


Something New and Something Old

by methuselahsattemptatlife



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: AOT universe, M/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-01-04
Updated: 2016-02-28
Packaged: 2018-05-11 15:29:53
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 18
Words: 34,424
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5631604
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/methuselahsattemptatlife/pseuds/methuselahsattemptatlife
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>After the initial Titan Attacks, Eren is feeling a strange attachment to Captain Levi, and his frequent episodes of sexual mania aren't helping the situation at all. He struggles between a promise he made to his friends to wait and the obvious change in the Captain's attitude; is there really anything at all beyond that glaring disdain and apathy? Has humanity's greatest soldier retained any humanity at all?</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Here We Go

“I think I’m in trouble,” Eren whispered harshly, his hands laced together tightly on the back of his neck. His forehead almost touched the bruised wooden table.   
Eren’s friends, Armin and Mikasa, exchanged a curious look. Eren’s clothes were pristinely ironed, crisp and new; his hair was washed and combed, too - and for the first time since he’d arrived, he didn’t look hungry. He finally appeared to be getting along well here. After those titan experiments, the two of them hadn’t thought he’d ever recover. Mikasa narrowed her eyes at the towering fortress looming behind them. The Scout Legion Headquarters was ominous as it loomed over them. Her eyes traveled to each Scout Legion soldier positioned every few yards around them, barely out of earshot.   
“Why?” She questioned, leaning forward. “Are they abusing you, Eren?”   
Armin looked at him fearfully. “Is it that Levi guy? He looks like he’d be the type.”   
Eren lifted his head quickly, looking alarmed. “No, that’s not what I mean,” he exclaimed.   
“Then what?” Armin pressed.  
Eren’s green eyes shone, but he paused hesitantly. The shifting hazel and blue touching at the inside edge of his irises melted together and then separated again, like a roiling sea. His thoughts sloshed around in his head. The motion of color in his eyes matched the flush of his handsome, boyish features; his cheeks were blotched with blush as he tried to gather embarrassing thoughts together coherently. He wasn’t comfortable verbalizing what his friends needed him to say aloud.   
All of this was caused by a kind of distress that was foreign to Eren – not a sharp tongue, nor a hard hand – but a distress that originates from a conflict within. This was something that one of his two friends was very familiar with.  
Mikasa, who had always had a conflict within over her relationship with Eren, sat back dejectedly. Armin was still clueless, though, and his eyebrows knitted together.   
“Then what is it?” He asked.   
Eren gave Armin a forlorn look. He ran his fingers through his hair and gripped the back of his head with both hands, looking towards one of the soldiers that was the closest. Then he bent his head close to them and lowered his voice until it trembled. “I… I’ve got a crush on one of them,” he said dejectedly.   
“WHAT?!” Armin blurted.   
“SHUT UP!” Eren banged his fists on the table, and the three of them froze as every head within a mile whipped towards them. Mikasa improvised. She grabbed Eren’s head and held it down so that it looked like she had subdued his anger. It took one long, agonizing minute for all of the soldiers to turn away again, and a few more for Eren to relax.   
“Please,” he pleaded with them, “no one knows. I need your advice. He’s so cold towards me, I-”  
“HE WHO?!” Both Armin and Mikasa blurted in unison.   
Eren put his head in his hands and his face was beet red between his fingers. “Captain Levi,” he hissed.

 

* * *

 

  
“Brat.”   
Eren looked up from scrubbing the floor in the hallway to see Captain Levi Ackerman standing over him. Slender, long legged, with dark voids for eyes and a sneer on his handsome face, Levi was decked out in white for cleaning day. His black hair was held back by a white handkerchief and his arms were crossed, a rag dangling from one hand. He lifted his arched eyebrow at Eren.   
“Yessir?” Eren piped obediently.   
“Do it again.”  
“Sir?”  
“Did I fucking stutter? The floor. Do it again.”  
“All of it? But I just-” BAM! Eren groaned under the weight of Levi’s ankle on his head. This had become routine lately since Eren’s arrival here at HQ.  
“What, shitty brat?” Levi snarled.  
“Yessir,” Eren groaned.   
“WHAT?” Levi barked, pushing his foot down hard on Eren’s head.  
“YESSIR!”  
“Watch your mouth, brat, or next time I’ll take your head off.” Like that, he was gone, strutting down the hallway and vanishing around a sharp corner. Eren looked after him, watching his stiff posture and strong legs stride away, and then he glanced back at the hallway he’d just cleaned. It shone like glass, and Eren released an exasperated moan.

 

* * *

 

  
“THAT Levi?” Armin jerked his thumb over his shoulder at Captain Levi, who was discussing something in-depth with Hange and occasionally glancing at them with disdain.  
“Look,” Eren said softly. “It’s him. I’m not… you know… it’s just him.”  
“Explain,” Mikasa snapped.   
Armin, glancing at her, put a hand on Eren’s shoulder and smiled at him weakly. “Hey, it’ll be ok. Tell us what’s going on.”  
“Oi, brat!” Levi called from his position. “Five minutes!”  
Eren waved weakly in reply before leaning in close to his friends. “They locked me in a dungeon for weeks,” he began. “He’s the only one who was there for me. I was deathly sick after the titan experiments – he always stayed with me, talked to me, listened to my whining… I didn’t even consider what he was doing because it was his job to watch me, but…” He grabbed his head again. “I don’t know. I don’t know what’s wrong with me. Am I sick?”  
“No, you’re not sick,” Armin replied, making sure Eren looked him in the eye. “Look, what do you mean you’re not…?”  
“Gay!” Eren exclaimed. “I’m not gay!”   
Armin turned scarlet.   
Mikasa stared at him blankly. “You have a crush on a man. Who drop kicks you, makes you clean everything, and beat you snotless in front of an entire courtroom of-”  
“And he’s thirty and he’s an asshole,” Eren interrupted her, very disgruntled. “I know!”

 

* * *

 

  
The window was open to the rolling green hills beyond the Headquarters. The cold summer evening pooled into the room, flipping up the curtains and sheets in its soft hands. Dusty with red sunlight, the sky was crowded and grey until it broke on the horizon line, torn between ocean blue and the black skyline.   
Eren walked into his bedroom, wiping sweat on his shirt, and he pushed the door closed behind him gently. The fresh air in the room caused him to hesitate on the threshold.   
He glanced out the window to absorb the relieving feeling of being alone. For every breath he’d taken today, there had been something else added on his to-do list - and no matter where he looked, there seemed to be more dust. Even in places he’d just cleaned. Trying not to look at the furniture, he peeled off his clothes, tossing them into a wooden basket on the floor.   
Levi had hounded him all day with chores. Tomorrow they had Commander Erwin visiting which gave Levi the perfect opportunity to work Eren like a dog. Eren was realizing just how he kept his established respect around HQ; by exercising his full power over them with dignity, gusto, and violence.   
Eren sat down on the bed in clean pants, a clean shirt in his hand. Levi commanded respect in everyone despite his attitude; he was humanity’s greatest soldier. No one else had that kind of power here, and yet he only abused it when it was threatened. When no one was around to look over his shoulder…  
A knock came on the door, and it opened without pause. Levi stood in the room leaning on the doorknob casually and looking down at Eren, who was currently shirtless. Eren immediately felt electrified by his judging look. He flushed and stood up clumsily, fumbling with the shirt as he felt eyes travel all over him. A hand snatched his wrist as he tried to struggle into the shirt, rendering him immobile. He stared around the tangled shirt at Levi’s hesitant look.   
“Don’t put that on,” Levi toned blandly. “Pull your head out of your ass. Go take a shower first. You’ll dirty clean clothing.” Eren stared at him, his heart pounding uncomfortably, and Levi seemed almost amused by the reaction he’d caused in him. Then Levi was gone again, shutting the door swiftly behind him. The impression of his fingers on Eren’s wrist remained until he got out of the shower. The impression of his eyes, and that hesitant look, remained burned into his brain for a lot longer.

 

* * *

 

  
“While I’ve been here, he’s always protected me,” Eren pressed adamantly. “These people think I’m a time bomb, and Levi doesn’t. He knows I’m just a person with… some weird gift…” He trailed off, looking down at his hand. The last time he’d bitten it, it had scarred, because his titan powers were exhausted. His teeth marks were still there. A pang of guilt hurt his heart. He was in a dangerous position, always worrying his friends, and here he was giving them more to be concerned about.   
“He has saved your ass quite a few times,” Armin admitted. “But he’s a jerk, Eren – he’s basically denied us visitation for months because he thought it would disrupt the experiments, even when you were really sick. We worried ourselves nearly to death, and what did he do?”  
“He looked at us coldly, and lied to our faces by saying, ‘He’s not here right now,’” Mikasa added icily. “He let Hange do those things to you, Eren. You got very sick because of them.”  
“… I did.” Eren lapsed into a weary silence. His heart was aching in such earnest that it was difficult to defend his feelings, even if he had any better arguments. He looked between them, their concerned faces making his guilt much worse. What had he thought, bringing them into this?   
“Thank you, both of you, for always being there for me. I don’t know where I’d be without you.” He smiled at them. “I’ll be sure to take care. You two do the same.”  
With that, the whistle was called, and the three of them rose from the table. “Eren,” Mikasa said quickly, “he’s a hardened soldier, not a man for the center of your affections. Please reign in your emotions until we can discuss this further.”   
Weakly, Eren agreed in order to satisfy her, and watched his only family be escorted to their horses and ride away. The flash of their Scout Legion cloaks vanished over the horizon before Levi appeared by his side with a hand on his shoulder.   
“They’ll be given more visitation now that you’re in a stable condition,” Levi said, “don’t look so gloomy. You have to keep up your health if you want to continue seeing them.” He was so close to Eren’s ear when he spoke that Eren felt a kindling in his chest that scorched him with burning embers; but all he could do was stare after his friends, and mourn the loss of his normal life as a Scout Legion soldier.   
“Let’s go,” Levi said quietly, and Eren turned and followed him step by step, head bowed, back into the fortress.


	2. What the Hell

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Something unsettling about Eren is revealed, and Captain Levi's head is spinning.

Eren longed to speak with Levi about the way he felt. He knew deep down that whether Levi returned his feelings or not, the latter being more likely, that he’d have a very objective perspective on their strange personal relationship. Cruel and detached, maybe, but objective. He imagined the disgusted look on Levi’s face when he heard those words: “I have feelings for you.” Maybe he _would_ be disgusted, or angry, even.

Eren was ashamed of the way he felt. Men weren’t meant to feel this way, especially soldiers, who were married to their duties. Everyone was human, but Levi was the least likely of all of them to show that. Eren craved answers to questions he couldn’t ask. He’d promised his friends not to do anything rash, so the best he could do was continue on as if nothing was ailing him – this was increasingly difficult, seeing as Levi watched his every mood change with eyes like a hawk. He was constantly prepared for Eren to break down again and that preparation left Eren exposed to his judgement at all times.

Levi was his idol, his hero, his boss, and a man very much in charge of his life. One wrong move could put them both in a very vulnerable position. Eren could be taken away at the first word from Erwin, or be killed. He trusted the protection of the elite Scout Legion, but their hands were tied if he pulled a stunt that was too radical to explain to the hierarchy.

 

So, he withdrew from his former outgoing self. The incidents where Eren was caught with his anger unchecked dwindled down to almost none. He kept his eyes on the ground, refused to eat more than scraps, and when he went to bed his ravenous hunger and thirst distracted him from the lonely thoughts he centered on Captain Levi. When he trained, he did so hungry. When he cleaned, he did so silently, obeying without hesitation. His body was screaming with need but the more he fed it, the more he felt comfortable, and the easier it was for him to hear his heart’s lament.

 

* * *

 

 

            “Eren. Eren, get up. Hey, brat!” Levi shook Eren’s shoulder, but Eren only groaned in a very sickening way. Levi frowned as Eren’s eyes slid open. “What are you doing?” Looking around absently, Eren touched his forehead and winced. So, he had a headache. Levi felt a wave of anger pass through him. “Are you eating at all, Eren?” He barked.

            “I… of course.” Eren mumbled drowsily. “My head is just being unreasonable.”

            That would have amused Levi on a normal day. “Get up,” he said, grabbing Eren under the arm and lifting him off the wooden bench. Eren had fallen asleep against a cold stone pillar; it was nearly winter now, the cold air brisk and dangerous, and here he was outside the building taking a nap like it was early spring. He walked Eren inside and sat him down firmly in the dining area. “I’m going to watch you eat. You missed lunch an hour ago, brat.”

            “Did I?” Eren cradled his head in his hands. “I’m sorry. I was supposed to be working.”

            Grabbing a plate and their lunch leftovers, Levi pushed them in front of Eren, along with a tall cup of water. “Eat.” He took a seat directly in front of him and crossed his arms and legs. “Now.”

            Eren pretended to be hungry, barely getting anything down without a swallow of water. He worked through a quarter of the food before he realized that he was fighting a losing battle. His stomach roiled, his head pounded, and all he wanted to do was stop, so he did. He put down his fork and stared at his lap, feeling sick.

            “Never lie to me.” Levi eyed him for a minute. “Eren, why aren’t you eating?”

An awkward silence passed between them that Levi could interpret well enough.

“Keeping secrets?” He stared without flinching at Eren, who immediately looked up. Levi could see his alarm breaking through the lethargic cage he was trapped inside. He was right, of course.

The two of them stared each other down. Eren was much weaker – obviously – so he broke first, looking away. Color filled his cheeks and made the tips of his ears burn with blush. “I’m sorry,” he conceded. “It’s very personal.”

“Not when it effects your health, it’s not. That’s my area.”

“Corporal, please, I…”

“Eren.”

“I can’t!” Eren cried, making Levi lean back in surprise. Their eyes widened in unison. “Please believe me,” Eren tried, more softly this time, and Levi was confounded by the pure panic he was seeing. “I can’t tell you.”

Levi unwound his legs and got up from the table, frowning down at him. “Fix it. If your health continues to decline, I will give you a royal salute with my foot up your ass.” He waited until Eren looked away in shame before he stalked off to look for Hange.

           

           

* * *

 

 

            Eren had eaten a decent amount over the course of the next few days. His headache refused to go away, though, which continued to worry Levi. If he didn’t recover completely, Levi wondered about what he’d have to do. Reporting this to Hange had been more of a confiding moment than a consultation, and they’d exchanged thoughts about Eren’s mental health connecting to his physical health, deciding to leave the judgement call to Levi. He was, after all, the one who knew Eren the best.

            Papers rustled. Levi leaned his chin on his hand as he peered over some term agreement. He’d been reading the same page for an hour, and hadn’t actually retained a single word. His eyes shifted to the window. The night was still and cold, the moon rising high over the trees. Clouds touched at the horizon.

            What was Eren thinking? Levi paused in his thoughts and tried to put himself in Eren’s shoes. What signs was he showing? Lack of appetite, decline in attitude, rapid increase in awkward tension, decline in social interactions with the Survey Corps… Was he thinking about leaving? No, he never showed any signs of wandering outside his boundaries, not even once. He wanted to be here.

            Levi put his papers away and went out for a walk. Passing through the silent halls, he heard the sounds of his team settling down for the night. He heard windows shutting, curtains being drawn, weapons being polished… Soft snores. His eyes traveled over the grain of the wooden floors. They’d been here so long, been together so long, that sometimes he forgot that they hadn’t always been a team. He was surprised that he kept getting so comfortable. After all, every mission they went on killed off more and more of them. Maybe he was used to it.

            No, you never get used to death of that kind.

            Maybe Eren was feeling sick, and hiding it from them. Would he endanger them like that? If he turned into a titan amongst them, without warning, that kind of danger would surely incite him to confide in Levi. Wouldn’t it? It was a possibility that he was feeling something different about his life here. He was trapped, caged without clear binds – maybe he was growing restless with the holder of his leash.

            Passing down the empty hall reserved for Eren, Levi began to hear soft noises that made him stop cold in the center of the hall. His eyes widened. What was that? It was late – shouldn’t he be asleep, with that headache of his? Intently Levi listened, standing four feet away from Eren’s closed door. Slowly his ears tuned in. The soft noise was wet, and it grew louder, more rapid. It became accompanied by arousing cries that would have been too discreet to hear from any further distance. He was suppressing his volume - with good reason.

The cries tormented Levi’s ears. What was he…was he really doing _that?!_ Blood rushed into Levi’s face as he heard snatches of a gasp that became a word, just one, said over and over, and as Levi backed off down the hall he could have sworn that it was his name Eren was calling when he finished.

 

* * *

 

 

            Levi was mortified. He took a bath late into the night, scrubbing his body with soap as hard as he could, until the bar leapt from his hand and skittered away from him across the floor. He sat in the bath tub with a drained, blank stare, seeing the soap spinning over the drain on the floor without truly comprehending it.

Now he knew what was happening to Eren. He wasn’t dissatisfied, or plotting to leave – he was infatuated. Levi crossed his arms and looked down at the water with empty eyes.

This was not the first time something like this had happened. Levi was powerful, physically and hierarchically; he’d already had several incidents with government officials becoming a little too interested in his personal wellbeing. None had ever evolved passed imposing stares, flirtations, or letters. But Eren… he was a child. Legal, obviously, but he was so young. Levi had never had to deal with the affection of a teenager in this position of power. When he was younger, he’d taken full advantage of his good looks.

Leaning back in the tub, Levi bent his knees, watching them breach the water with fascination. There were several things to consider. First of all, Eren was his ward. In truth, all this meant was keeping him out of trouble and healthy, but no one was entirely sure what that entailed. Nothing like Eren had ever happened before. This was a first-time relationship that was intended from the start to be an experiment conducted at Erwin’s discretion, so there were miles of flexible gray areas, like emotional distress and mental health, which fell into Levi’s jurisdiction as Eren’s overseer.

Secondly, Eren’s health was declining. This bout of love sickness was affecting his ability to make good choices concerning his future. Making himself sick would hinder any missions they came into contact with in the future, as well as Hange’s experiments. Her data was dependent on his coherent ability to take care of himself and make his own decisions. It was, as stated, Levi’s job to keep Eren healthy enough to keep her data accurate.

Thirdly, his feelings towards Eren as his ward. Levi was often made the overseer of projects concerning titans because of his hands-on experience, but a titan was not likely to fall in love with him, and most of that titan business was handled by Hange. Levi was mostly in charge of Hange’s odd moods when they struck her, under said circumstances.

Eren was a soldier, one of his own in the Scout Legion, who was struck with powers that could save the human race from being destroyed or even threatened by titans themselves. He was valuable, dangerous, young, and feared by the entire country. Levi was probably the only human alive besides Mikasa and Armin that did not fear Eren – only his safety. But he was no titan.

            Lastly… his feelings towards Eren man to man. Eren was ambitious and fucking stupid, brave and rash; passionate and unconscious; reckless and capable. Raw. Powerful as hell. Yet, the fragility he’d exposed lately was showing a new side of him Levi hadn’t wanted to deal with.

It made Levi uncomfortable to think that Eren was touching himself, but only because he felt responsible for those desires he’d elicited in him. Obviously it was partly Stockholm syndrome, but to Eren it wasn’t, because he felt free to live independently besides his confinement to HQ. It didn’t feel like imprisonment, but…

Levi shut his eyes and rubbed shampoo into his hair, slicking it back away from his face, and he sank down until he was entirely submerged. Under the water, he allowed his fingers to brush through his hair like a wave of black silk, hovering as if gravity was weakening, until the shampoo had detached and clouded the clear tub. He pictured Eren’s body: the long, supple belly, rippling with sinewy muscle; the steep curve of his ass; the handsome shape his legs made when he bent to reach for something; the fumble of his big hands as he tried to cover his sweaty chest with a shirt.

When Levi emerged, he ran his fingers through his damp hair and considered another point of view. Eren was an attractive boy. He had big, innocent eyes, and a look of fire and darkness whenever titans came up in conversation, which was often. Even if he was a dumbass, he was handsome, and tall, and his unearthly power seemed to draw Levi like a morphic field that attached the two of them. Yes, he felt drawn to Eren, but was it because of his power as a titan? Or was it maybe the power of his heart? Eren had defied laws, hurt himself, lost limbs - the moron - and almost died on uncountable occasions trying to protect people with his gift.

All of those people he’d saved… Eren was gifted in more ways than one, and it was no wonder why he’d attached himself to Levi. Captain Levi had doted on him silently. Behind a curtain of disdain and apathy, he’d argued on Eren’s behalf, bestowed upon him safety, companionship and compassion. He’d listened. Disciplined. It had been so long since Levi had allowed himself the comfort of affection beyond what he felt for his friends, Hange and Erwin, and his teammates. He was attracted to Eren’s body. Could he be misinterpreting his own emotions?


	3. Goddammit What Even

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Eren's sexual mania starts up, and Captain Levi is reconsidering his take on Eren's attraction to him.

 

Eren was growing more and more anxious about concealing his feelings from Captain Levi. He was hovering now, making Eren eat all the time, bringing him water when he worked, and constantly at arm’s length away, or across the room, watching him. Always watching. The concerned mother hen routine was throwing off all the Survey Corps members, who crept around them with barely any conversation at all, and were always wondering in secret whether something was going on between them or not.

Eren had started to have bouts of sexual mania throughout the day and it was almost impossible to hide it from Levi – almost. So far, he’d managed to angle himself away, or to escape to the bathroom for temporary relief. But every few days he would suffer with pangs of lust from dawn until dusk with Levi breathing down his neck. At night, on these days, he waited until the building was completely silent before allowing himself any sexual relief.

It was the close quarters that was causing Eren to lose his self-control. He used to be able to be alone, focusing only on his grueling work for hours at a time. Now every time he lifted his head he saw Levi’s lithe figure: his supple thighs shifting as he leaned from one leg to the other, the gap between his crotch and his thighs growing and shrinking with every movement, the bow of his leg when he turned on his heel… Even his walk was bringing lewd thoughts to mind. Whenever Levi walked off, Eren found himself incapable of looking away from the sway of his hips.

Today Eren was suffering another bout of insatiable lust. This protector, this dominating presence, this man named Levi was so unsettling lately with his piercing looks and casual touches that Eren was losing his mind. He sat through lunch across from Levi with the hardest erection he’d had to date, and he couldn’t contain the pink blush that rushed across the bridge of his nose.

Last night, Eren had a dream that Levi had lived in his village before the titan broke through the wall. The intimate friendship they shared had blossomed into something Eren could not be responsible for imagining, and when he had woken up this morning, he knew today was going to be one of those days. He was not prepared for this.

The last two teammates besides them that had been eating rose, put away their dishes and walked out, chatting quietly between one another. “Do you have another fever, Eren?” Levi piped, eyeing him over the brim of his cup. “You look like you’re holding in a shit, and your face is flushed.”

“I’m just feeling a little…” Eren paused, at a loss for words at this point having to cover up his horniness. He exchanged an awkward glance with Levi. “I just need a minute.” He conceded. Rubbing his face, he sighed, staring down at the food on his plate. It was steaming, seasoned well, and the smell was tantalizing. Still… he felt nauseous just looking at it. This was torture.

“Eren.”

Eren looked up expectantly. “… Yes, Captain Levi, sir?”

Levi’s face was unreadable. “What do you think of me?”

Eren’s pulse skyrocketed. He broke out in a cold sweat. “W-What do you mean?” He stammered.

The rich, dark satin blue of Levi’s eyes could be distinguished from this closeness they shared, and the flicker of curiosity there unnerved Eren. What was he planning? Levi shifted in his seat, leaning back to cross his legs before leaning his elbows on the table. “You heard me. What do you think of me as a soldier, an overseer, a… friend?”

He said ‘friend’ with such an uncharacteristic hesitance that Eren felt it physically brush his cheek. Did he mean… more than that?

“Well, I… I think you’re the strongest soldier we have, Corporal,” Eren replied. “You’re very objective. You’re very capable of being decisive. I think you’re already predicting what action will lead to the next action, and… you always prepare yourself for the worst scenario. Because of that, you come out on top.”

Eren lifted his pointer finger. “And despite how you act, it’s very clear you care deeply for what you do and who you protect.” Wrong move. Levi seemed to narrow, his eyes darkening. So he does like to think people see him as detached and aloof. Eren’s heart hammered against his ribcage like a jackrabbit. “You’re a good friend,” he tried to recover. “I know what you’ve done to protect me. You act very harshly to remind me of how much danger I’m in every day – even when there’s no one else… around…” He blushed deeply. That had taken an unexpected turn. “… but I respect you, and your methods… a lot. Sir.”

Levi’s eyes were unreadable again. He gazed at Eren without shame, and in turn caused a very shameful reaction. Shifting on the bench, still concealing his erection, Eren felt it throb tightly against his pants zipper and tried to absently push it down with his hand. The resulting pleasure must have showed itself in his expression because Levi’s face revealed a snatch of astonishment.

“All that? You’re very… thorough.” Levi looked away finally, off towards the kitchen, and Eren saw the wheels turning in his head. Eren also noticed the tightness with which he clasped his hands. “I did ask you not to lie… although I know it must be hard to express yourself to me directly.”

“Lie?” Eren exclaimed, causing Levi’s eyes to return to him curiously. “I promise sir, I wouldn’t lie to you. I…” He shifted in a futile attempt to quell his lust; it annoyed him now, when he was trying to have a serious conversation with Levi. “I’ve caused you enough trouble just being here, I wouldn’t impede your ability to understand my actions any more than I had to.” He was proud of his coherence, but shrank under the heavy, unmoving eyes of the Corporal.

After a pause, Levi’s lips curled into a smile. “You’re such a child. You’re supposed to lie in order to kiss ass, you brat.” Levi had a warm glow in his face that Eren hadn’t seen before. “Call me a war hero or some shit.”

Eren grinned. “If I kissed your ass, you’d kick my ass,” he pointed out. “And there hasn’t technically been a war – that would be a flat-out lie.”

“Technically every day is a war against the titans.” Levi reached out and grabbed Eren by the hair, shoving him playfully. “So that makes me a war hero.”

Laughing, Eren rubbed his sore scalp. “Captain Levi Ackerman, I hereby grant you the Medal of Honor for your relentless battle against the titans (even though there’s been no real wars and you basically murder anything in your path anyway, including me sometimes, I have the scars to prove it-)”

Levi rolled his eyes. “You’re pushing your luck, shitty brat,” he warned, but Eren just grinned at him.

“I think you’re the greatest man humanity has, Captain Levi.” Eren leaned back with a timid smile. “I mean that.”

The blush that touched at Levi’s face, coupled with his stifled look of abashment turned grimace, warmed Eren from the bottom of his heart all the way up. Levi began mumbling something about a perimeter check and got up from the table. Shouting orders over his shoulder, Levi strode out, trying to escape the compliment as if it were an annoying pet. Then Eren realized that his erection had finally faded. He took a minute to himself just to gaze contently out the window before he gathered their dishes and began cleaning the kitchen.

 

* * *

 

 

It took a week. Levi continued to hound Eren to eat and drink, but he was paying attention to his emotions as much as Eren’s, so much so that sometimes he lost the line between experiment and reality. Currently, he had resigned himself to his room after lunch to sign some paperwork, and to give Eren some space.

He finished his work after an hour and got up, opening the window to a chilling breeze. He leaned on the windowsill thoughtfully. It was going to snow soon, he tasted it. The clouds were bunching up overhead, and he hadn’t seen the sun in days, so it was safe to assume they were about to be buried in snow. In the distance he could see the supply wagon coming their way. Taking a deep, slow breath, he let it out into a cloud, watching it mist away into the wind.

A knock came on the door. “Come in,” Levi called, and Hange appeared.

“Hello! This is my last visit for a while – it looks like it’s going to snow soon.” Walking inside, Hange crossed her arms to fend off the chilly air. “Beautiful, isn’t it? The changing seasons?”

Levi turned from Hange to the window. “It’s about time for a change.”

She gave him an odd look, and instead of trying to cover up, he said nothing and did nothing. It was up to her to break the comfortable silence that stretched over them. Eventually, she did, offering him a clipboard. “This is my data thus far on Eren. I thought you’d want to see it.”

It took a minute for his eyes to focus on the clipboard, but Levi looked it over thoroughly. “This appears accurate.” He paused. “Why does it say ‘ambiguous sexuality’?”

“He’s never had intimate relations by what I could gauge from his genitalia, and refuses to get into the subject with me. Therefore, it’s ambiguous.”

“You’ve seen his junk?”

“I’m a scientist, Levi. I have to be thorough.” Hange grinned. “His measurements are there.”

Levi pushed the clipboard back into her hand. “What does my file say?”

“I beg your pardon?”

“My file. I’ve never seen it.”

“Your file was done by the doctor staffed to you, I haven’t seen it either. Want me to get my hands on it?” Hange eyed him, smiling smugly, but Levi shook his head.

“No, forget I asked. I was just thinking aloud.”

“How’s Eren doing?”

“Well, I’ve managed to get him to a healthy weight again.”

“Did he ever explain why he wasn’t eating?”

“Not… yet.”

“You expect him to?”

“No. Not directly.” Sinking into a chair, Levi crossed his arms. “I think I know why.”

“What was it, then?”

“Nothing.”

“Tell me!”

“No.”

“Why?!” Hange exclaimed.

“It’s personal for him. Allow him a small bit of privacy, would you?” Levi snapped.

Hange bid him goodbye, her head spinning, and looked over her shoulder curiously as she rode back to her home. “Has he developed human feelings, maybe?” She giggled.

Watching her gallop away, Levi sighed, feeling a melancholy settle into his bones. This was all so annoying. Why did Eren have to like him at all? No one else did. Covering his mouth with his hand, he leaned on it, glaring at the withering grass. A dark feeling crept into his belly.

 


	4. He Just Can't

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Captain Levi is growing anxious; he knows what returning Eren's feelings will mean, and it eats away at him.

Late that night, it was snowing. Maybe around two in the morning is when it began. The cold air stung his face, and the ground was a block of frozen grass and dirt, but Levi stood out in the front courtyard with a wistful look on his face. A scarf dangled from around his neck. His cloak drifted around him gently, and his hands, exposed to the cold, were stiff at his sides. The snow was so gentle and fragile as it drifted around him, and he bent his head, watching them stick close together on the grass. He leaned on one leg, pulling his cloak close around his shoulders.

“Captain Levi,” Eren called as he came outside alongside him. “It’s snowing!” The joy on his face was chilled by the look Levi gave him when he shut the door. “What is it? Should I stay inside?”

“No,” Levi replied blandly. “I have to go.”

Levi brushed passed Eren and went back inside, leaving the door open as he glided away. Eren stared after him as the snowflakes flurried around his head. He felt an icicle in his heart. What was wrong with Levi? Did he maybe find out that…? No, Eren had been very careful. Unless he’d seen one of his shameful moments. Rubbing his arms, Eren glanced at the snow, full of anxiety and hope. What was next for them, he wondered? Would he ever get over this insatiable crush?

Assuring himself that everything was fine seemed to boost his spirit enough for him to enjoy the march back to his room. He noticed that Levi’s door was open, and the room itself was dark. Where had he gone? Eren shrugged. He was always walking circles around HQ.

Eren retired, and as he pulled the covers up, he wondered how much sleep Levi actually got on a daily basis.

 

* * *

 

 

            Levi was feeling a new kind of fear. His hands were trembling. His heart was pounding in his chest, hard, like it was trying to break loose. He sat in his chair in the dark, staring out the window at the falling snow with his arms crossed tightly and a blanket around his shoulders. The window was fastened snugly closed. The curtains were drawn back, exposing the night to him, and yet he felt waves of shivering racking him.

Nothing tended to frighten him; nothing except titans and losing friends. Everything else was simply a matter of trying hard enough and it would be accomplished. Not love. Not sentiment. What he’d just realized about himself was that he was afraid of Eren. What he felt for Eren was stronger than he thought – it was thick in his veins, burning in his belly, turning his mind into jelly – and just the thought of what that meant terrified him.

He had feelings for a phenomena. He cared deeply for a body concealing immense powers beyond his capability to reach. Levi Ackerman was capable of feeling beyond a deep care for all of humanity, and it was huge. With this care came feelings of embarrassment about the way he’d been taunting Eren, embarrassment which he was appalled with, as well as feelings of sexual tension. He never felt embarrassed for shaming someone who used him as a sexual icon. That look Eren followed him around with was more than respect – this he’d known – and he hadn’t even acknowledged that he had similar inclinations until today.

That day at lunch, he realized that not only had he been trying to bond with Eren, he had been gauging the depth of Eren’s passionate feelings for him. He hadn’t been disappointed, either. Just thinking of Eren’s words dripped acid all over his heart: ‘… the greatest man humanity has…’ He bled with affection; he had thought, what if Eren was killed? What if he had to go on living without Eren to boss around? He was retreating further and further into himself. I can’t do this, Levi thought shakily. I’m the leader of the Survey Corps. I’m his guardian, but… I want him. I’ve wanted him all along.

Levi imagined Eren sprawled out on his bed: asleep, maybe, in cotton pants and a loose shirt, and having a dream. It was a dream about him. His hips shifted, a blush spread across his cheeks… his half-hard cock looked so enticing beneath the cotton folds… his arms curled over his head… he arched his back. Levi could just feel how soft it was as he ran his hands under Eren’s shirt and closed his mouth over the soft bulge…

“I won’t,” he whispered, pushing over his chair noisily as he got to his feet. The blanket on his shoulders fluttered to the floor. Levi looked down at his hands with wide eyes. “I can’t.” He whirled on his heel and bolted out the door.

 

* * *

 

 

            “Has anyone seen Captain Levi?”

            Several heads popped up at breakfast, but all of them exchanged confused glances. Eren got several negative answers, and began to feel the seed of panic being planted deep within him. He smiled and thank them and left, going to Levi’s room upstairs. He leaned into the open door. The chair was lying on its back, and the blanket from the bed was pooled on the floor. Eren quickly cleaned up, shaking out the blanket before replacing it onto the bed.

            Outside, the snow was at least three feet deep and still falling. He looked out Levi’s window stonily. Where had he gone? What was he supposed to do? Swallowing, Eren gathered his intelligent thoughts – there were a few – together and went into parts of the castle they rarely went to. The first floor, in the very back, and the third and fourth floors. It was too much to heat all of it, so they rarely ventured up there, especially since it had gotten so cold.

            As Eren searched, he reflected back on their last good conversation. That lunch a week ago had been very enlightening. He’d even seen Levi smile; remembering it brought a smile to his own face. Levi could be embarrassed, he could be complimented, and… Eren sighed. He probably knew he had a crush on him. Just the thought gave him goosebumps; what would he say if he asked him about it? ‘Piss off,’ maybe. Hopefully not, though. More than anything, Eren yearned for some sort of reciprocation – all he wanted was to be with Levi. He just wanted to… Eren blushed. He just wanted to show him how he felt. Why hadn’t he said anything yet if he did know? What a puzzle.

Opening doors and leaning inside, Eren called softly for the Corporal. Nothing on the first floor. He began to climb the back stairs, and noticed one of the doors was ajar. They always left them firmly locked as to trap the heat on the lower floors. When he pushed it open, he found himself in a long hallway. It was much colder in here. He followed it all the way to the end cautiously.

“Levi? Are you up here?” He called. “Hey, come on. Where are you?”

As he rounded the corner, a big open area stretched out before him. He was standing on the balcony overlooking a run-down ballroom. Washed in burgundy and gold, and turned with age, the moth-eaten room seemed to swallow any sounds. The ceilings swept on forever, a huge, ancient chandelier lay broken on the floor, there were cobwebs caked in the corners, and when he walked he left footprints in the dust. He lowered his eyes to the floor. Smaller footprints lead off down the stairs. Levi’s footprints! Eren followed them, careful not to slip on the dusty tile staircase, and looked around him. There were thick, heavy curtains hanging from the balconies surrounding the room, blocking any other exists with their huge overhang.

“Captain Levi!” Eren called, cupping his hands together. “Please, come out!” He could see his breath, it was so cold, and his teeth chattered.

The footsteps vanished behind a curtain. Cautiously, Eren lifted it back, peering beyond the dancefloor. Under the balconies were deep lounge areas covered in broken metal and boxes. Eren tied back the curtain to get some light into the dark space and found a candle to light. He took a match from his pocket and struck it; the flame danced to life, and as he held it to the candle wick, the room was filled with a warm glow. It also warmed his hand as he pressed forward.

There was another door ajar at the back of the lounge area. Eren walked to it carefully over the rubble of a broken statue, pushing it open with slow, easy motions. The light from his candle spilled over a coat closet. There were no coats on the racks, and the hangars looked like skeletons, but there was a beaten up lounge chair at the back that had something mounded on it. The light spilled over the couch, lighting up first a leg in Scout Legion boots, and then a body lying on its side, limp in slumber. It was him!

Levi’s lead was pillowed on the low arm of the lounge chair as he slept, blissfully unaware of his growing frostbite. Eren put the candle down on a small table and carefully sat beside him.

“Corporal,” Eren said gently, but it wasn’t enough. He gulped. He’d have to shake him. Reaching out, he paused, enraptured by the dance of the candlelight over Levi’s handsome features. His eyes were closed and relaxed, his brows knitted together. His lips parted slightly to expel a silent breath, but he did not wake, instead dipping his chin into his chest and falling further into the depths of sleep. He looked so tired. Eren’s heart ached to see him like this; he’d never seen Levi sleep before.

The candlelight danced as it burned. Levi’s leg was freezing against his back, and his arms were tightly crossed over his chest. He had to be frozen stiff. Eren took off his cloak and pulled it over Levi, shivering in the damp chill. He tucked it close to Levi’s body to ward off the cold air. Gradually, Levi’s posture melted, until even the weariness drained from his face, leaving only peace. His legs pressed closer to Eren’s body. Eren gazed at him fondly.


	5. No One Knows Why

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Eren's found Captain Levi, but his unprovoked bouts of anger scare him into believing that he was wrong about Levi's true feelings.

Eren had no idea how long he sat there. The candle burned down a ways, but remained lit, and he shivered but refused to move. He was the only other source of heat Levi had. The cloak had been just enough to keep Levi content, though, and Eren rubbed his hands together to keep them warm. The room seemed to swallow the smallest scuffs of the carpet until everything was perfectly silent and still.

“… Shit… this smells good… Who’s…?” A sleep-laden voice floated up from where Levi had buried his face in the cloak.

Eren jumped at the sudden sound, grabbing his chest. “Levi! You scared the crap out of me – why did you come all the way up here?” Shifting in discomfort, Levi sat up, clinging to the cloak with his elegant hands. His face was twisted up with confusion.

“Eren?” He sat back irritably, his eyes cutting Eren to pieces. “… How did you find me?”

His heart pounding painfully, Eren steeled himself. “I followed your footprints in the dust. No one’s been here for ages, Corporal. Why are you sleeping here?” He demanded. “You were nearly frozen when I found you.”

Levi gripped the cloak hard, his knuckles whitening. “I came here to be alone.” He snapped angrily, throwing the cloak at Eren, who struggled to get it out of his face.

“It’s probably noon, Corporal,” Eren cried, his temper flaring. “I thought something had happened to you!”

“I’m fucking fine!” Levi shouted. His face crumpled darkly and he looked away, covering his mouth as if he wished he hadn’t just yelled. He shut his eyes.

Levi looked tired, and scared of something, and it gave Eren a bad feeling. He narrowed his eyes and pressed his lips into a thin line. “What’s wrong?” He asked in a low voice. Levi wouldn’t look at him. His heart welling up with hurt, Eren felt a cold anger settle over him.

“Nothing,” Levi responded emptily. “I’m fucking fine.”

“Don’t lie to me!” Eren exploded. “I don’t lie to _you!”_

Levi didn’t move.

“Levi, please,” Eren pleaded. “I’m your friend, I can help you.”

Nothing.

“Please, Levi-”

“I can’t.” Levi snapped, drawing his legs away and getting up.

Eren grabbed the candle and his cloak and followed him out onto the ballroom floor. “What can’t you do?”

“None of your goddamn business!” Levi growled, whirling on him. “Piss off!”

“NO!” Eren grabbed his arm, and Levi pulled back his free hand and it froze mid-smack. Neither moved. A dead silence fell. Levi’s face was torn between anger and suppression. Slowly, Levi lowered his hand, and Eren realized he was trembling. He felt it in his fingers that were coiled around Levi’s arm.

“… Talk to me.” Eren’s voice quivered. “I’ve never seen you like this.”

“Eren…” Levi strained. “Please let go.” Eren released his arm obediently. Levi turned and glided up the stairs without another word and without looking back. Distraught, Eren stood there for a few moments, realizing that he should’ve just let Levi go the first time. Levi hadn’t pressed Eren when he said he couldn’t tell him why he wasn’t eating, why had Eren pressed Levi? He was worried about him, but that was no excuse to lose his temper.

Ashamed of himself, he locked himself in his room and sat on the floor with his back to the bed, not budging an inch until the sun set and it was time for dinner.

 

* * *

 

           

            The night closed in. The cold seeped in through the cracks in the windows and the space under the door, the stone walls like blocks of ice. The halls were filled with echoes and the rooms were empty. Dinner was silent, dead silent. Levi snapped at one of the men while they were setting the tables, and everyone was on edge after that. They ate without banter, without jokes, and without passing the salt. Everyone sighed through their meals and cleaned their dishes too harshly and slammed the door on their way out, while outside the snow was falling heavily.

            Sitting on the opposite end of the room, Eren stared at his plate. He stomach was a block of stone. His feet were frozen, and his heart was full of acid, and every time he glance over the heads of the others he could see snatches of Levi bent over his dinner moodily. This was all his fault. If he hadn’t pushed it… Biting his lip, Eren shut his eyes. Things were just starting to look better between them, why was it going south so quickly?

            A hand on his shoulder made him jump. It was one of the men, smiling at him empathetically. "Don’t look so gloomy,” he said quietly, despite his voice being the only sound in the room. “You’re a good kid, you know? We all were once.”

Staring at him, Eren felt a warmth in his chest that blossomed on his face. He grinned timidly. “Thanks.” With a wink, the man vanished, and with him the last two others, which left just Levi and Eren sitting with their cold dinners flickering with light from the gloomy candles. The door slammed behind them.

For a long while, nothing changed. The both of them sat in melancholy silence with an overhanging thought that neither wanted to acknowledge like the elephant in the room both were familiar with, but felt all alone in knowing. They searched their hearts for a familiarity and found none. Levi’s turned cold; a disdain began to grow. Eren’s turned blue.

“Are you gay, Eren?”

Levi’s voice cut the silence like a dagger, holding it at Eren’s throat threateningly with a hypocritical leer. His eyes held steady on Eren’s pale face. Eren whipped his head to stare in blatant horror at Captain Levi. Immediately, he looked away again. He felt humiliated; his face burned with blush. Eren sat stiffly still, and he held his breath and he took the full brunt of Levi’s brutality without the knowledge of hypocrisy to comfort him.

“I heard the boys talking,” Levi lied purposefully. “They said they heard you beating your meat late one night, but it wasn’t a girl you were beating it to.”

That blow hit home; Eren winced, and felt a terribly, twisted pain fill his heart. Someone had heard him jacking off! That was so humiliating! Images he’d burned into his memory of Levi’s face – when he caught his wrist, or touched his shoulder, or snapped at him – when all Eren saw was hunger, a hunger for something beyond obedience; all those memories shattered, and slashed him a fresh wound. But Levi wasn’t done yet. Shoving back his wooden chair so that it scraped, hard, Levi swung to his feet, leaning casually on its back.

“I thought for sure you would have tapped that little Asian girl’s ass by now. I mean, she treats you like her husband already – with your balls in her back pocket,” he offered meanly. “But no. They said they were sure that they heard a man’s name come right from your lips. Now, isn’t that odd?” He strolled casually towards where Eren sat, running his fingertips along the chair backs. “Who was it, then, Eren?” He asked innocently. “Who _do_ you beat your meat to? One of the men here – or is it that little blond of yours?” Levi sighed, shrugging as he looked off towards the door. His eyes slowly returned to Eren, venom surging in his veins. “You tell me.”

“Stop,” Eren whispered. “Please stop.”

“What’s the matter, Eren?” Levi crossed his arms, shrugging. “Who could you be so ashamed of wanting to fuck, huh? Who is it?” He leaned over him, his lip curling back over his teeth. “Say it, Eren,” he breathed. “Say my name.”

“STOP!” Eren screamed, snapping his arm out and flinging his untouched dinner onto the floor, the metal plate spinning on the soiled hardwood. He shot to his feet and leaned heavily on his curled fists against the table instead of lashing out at Levi. His eyes were shut tightly as he took a shaky breath.

“I will not be ashamed of the way I feel about you,” he hissed, turning his tragically beautiful anger on the Captain’s shocked face. He towered over him. “You may be able to degrade me and disgrace my feelings, but that does not make them any less important to me! I don’t care how many times you’ve felt this way and been made fun of, or humiliated, or rejected – it does NOT give you the right to do the same to me!”

Levi was pale as a ghost now, his lips parting in awe and his expression unreadable.

“I love you!” Eren spat. “Ever since I got here, all I wanted to do was prove myself to you – well, you know what? I fooled myself into thinking you needed me to remind you of your humanity. But you haven’t got much left, have you?” He could feel his eyes filling up with tears of hurt…and he was thunderstruck as Levi’s expression melted into acute, painful heartache.

All at once, Eren’s anger faded, and he was trembling just like Levi had been when he was holding his arm. Eren gritted his teeth as tears spilled over his cheeks. His brows knitted tightly together in grief. “Why?” He rasped. “Why are you so cruel?”

“I’m sorry,” Levi replied abruptly. “I-”

“I shouldn’t have even asked. I know why.” Eren interrupted. The two of them locked eyes. Levi was stock still, his body rigid with suppressed emotion. Eren was shaking like a leaf as he released what he’d been holding in for so long. “Because you’re afraid,” he said through his tears. “Afraid of me. You’re not afraid of my titan powers, you’re afraid of me.” Neither of them moved. Eren gazed into Levi’s forlorn eyes with steely determination. “You don’t want to be reminded of your humanity.”

“No, I don’t,” Levi snapped. “You don’t know what it’s like to lose your humanity, Eren! It’s a kind of pain you could never even imagine!”

Taking a bold step forward, Eren’s eyes softened as he invaded Levi’s personal space with a yearning look on his tear-stained face. “It’s still there. Don’t you… want to find it again?” His voice was so soft, so kind…

Levi’s eyes widened in surprise before he withdrew into himself, in a futile attempt to fight back. He was agonizing over Eren’s words. “I can’t,” He managed to say through his teeth, his resolve crumbling. His eyes were welling up with tears of frustration.

“I promise it won’t hurt,” Eren whispered. His lips parted as he bent his head, close enough to feel Levi’s sharp breath on his cheek. He looked deep into his eyes but did not touch him without his permission.

“Liar,” Levi whispered, reaching out and grabbing a handful of thick chocolate hair on the back of Eren’s head. He kissed him voraciously – with greedy stabs of lust bunching up in his gut – then again and again, each time growing with feverish intent. Both of them tasted salty tears on their tongues. “Fuck you, Eren,” Levi managed between shaky gasps of air, but Eren kissed him with such sweetness that his reservations dissolved.


	6. Jesus Christ You Two

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Captain Levi's cruelty hits an all-time low. Can Eren handle his self-deprecating boss enough to realize what's really going on?

When they parted, both of them were reeling. Eren waited for Levi to move first. Turning to the kitchen, Levi walked automatically to a bucket and the mop to clean up the mess Eren had made when he flung his plate, filling up the bucket with water under the faucet. Obediently, Eren grabbed a rag and followed. Both of them worked with shaking hands as they scrubbed the gravy off the floor, mopped up the applesauce, and threw all the cold beef into the trash. Only when they put everything back into its place and washed their hands together in the sink did Eren feel strong enough to speak.

“I know this is hard for you, too,” he said softly, “but please believe that I have only good intentions.”

“That’s what I was afraid of.”

Levi handed him the towel to try his hands and stared at him with a look of disbelief. He’d kissed those lips. He’d given in to his insatiable hunger. In reply, Eren smiled at him timidly, and all Levi’s doubts faltered. He hovered close by as Eren hung up the towel.

“I’m…” Levi rubbed his hands on his thighs absently. “I’m really very sorry, Eren. You were right. I was afraid to feel, and I acted harshly toward you because I… I wanted to ruin your feelings for me. I shouldn’t treat you that way. I know it was wrong.”

“I understand. I accept your apology, Captain.” Crossing his arms, Eren sighed as he thought about it. “But… that hurt a lot. How do you always know where to hit me?”

“Because I knew what would hurt me, would hurt you,” Levi said quietly. “I didn’t mean it. I’m sorry about this morning, too. I’ve been in a bad place. You can kick my ass if I ever get like that again.” He smirked despite himself. “I’ll still kick your ass if you ever talk to me like that again, though. I’ll let you off the hook this one time.”

“Because I was right?” Eren teased, and the glare he got made him put his hands up in surrender. “Sorry, Captain, sorry. I’m only teasing. Of course I won’t.” He lowered his hands, winding his fingers shyly. “How long have you known?”

Levi closed his hand around Eren’s wrist to make him stop, and their eyes met. “A week,” he replied. “But before that I could feel the tension you’d developed. I was worried there was something else wrong.”

Eren blushed. “Sorry for worrying you - I was really struggling. Actually I promised not to do this until I talked it over with my friends.”

“I promised not to do this at all.”

Opening his mouth and shutting it again, Eren paused in thought. What did this mean for them? They exchanged a look of mutual feelings; neither of them knew where their new boundaries lay. I suppose, Eren thought, we have to make new ones.

“Can I…?” Eren bit his tongue, unsure of what to ask for. Another kiss? To hold him, maybe? They definitely weren’t ready for anything physical.

Levi, confused, gave him an inquiring look. Neither one had fully grasped how to communicate their desires quite yet, but Levi was still holding Eren’s wrist. When Eren wasn’t paying attention, Levi began to stroke the inside of his arm with his thumb, which tickled in a very erotic way. He seemed to know it felt that way. So, instead of speaking, Levi leaned on the counter and touched Eren’s arm, and Eren allowed himself to be electrified by it.

Eren’s blood felt hot in his veins. He could tell another bout of sexual mania was coming on. “Am I too young?” Eren asked quietly, trying to distract himself.

Levi bobbed his head. “Yeah.” He looked away at the floor. “And you’re only the second guy.”

Eren was struck by a sudden realization. “How many others have there been?” The look he got said enough. His heart sank a little. “Oh… A lot?”

“I had a rocky start to life.” Levi pushed off the counter. “That’s no reflection on who I am now. There hasn’t been anyone in a long time.”

“Years?”

“Years. Almost a decade now.”

“Who was the other guy?”

“For now, you don’t need to bother with knowing who it was. It didn’t last long.”

“Can I ask why it didn’t last long?”

Levi got really close to Eren suddenly and let go of his arm, reaching to fix his bent shirt collar. He took in a deep breath through his nose and parted his lips. “No.”

That disappointed Eren. He sighed and looked at his shoes.

“Relax,” Levi demanded. “Like I said, it was almost a decade ago. We were young. I know what I’m doing now, with you. Back then everything was… confusing...” He got nostalgic. A look of sadness came over him as he recalled those days passed and despite his tendency to push those memories away whenever they surfaced, he tried to remember them clearly. He’d made so many mistakes back then. It was time to remedy his approach to love.

Eren instinctively touched the corner of Levi’s frown with his fingertips, surprising them both. Levi’s pale face filled with color as he came back from his reverie to see the worry in Eren’s eyes.

“Sorry,” Eren stammered. “I just…”

“Don’t apologize.” Levi got a sudden urge to grab him. He curled his fingers around Eren’s shirt, pulling him closer. He wrinkled it with how hard he was gripping it, and he didn’t know what to do next. He just wanted to anchor Eren in place and make sure that he’d never be too far away to touch. So he did. He shut his eyes, embarrassed.

Eren had taken his hand away, unsure of what parts of Levi he could and could not touch. Even Levi didn’t know the answer to that. His hands hung in the air, hovering over the slender shoulders and the tense sinews of his back.

“You can,” Levi grunted, “if you want.”

“I can…?” Eren swallowed. He could experiment? Even if he was afraid to, he was prompted by Levi’s slight nod. Eren racked his brain. What could he do that wasn’t too much? His heart was thundering in his chest as he got an idea.

Slowly, he wrapped his arms around Levi, trapping Levi’s arms against his chest as he pulled him into a tight embrace. Eren pushed his nose into Levi’s neck and crushed him close to his body with a genuine overflow of affection. He pressed one hand onto the back of Levi’s head, the other wrapped around his back. Levi, still too rigid to relax, had his temperature spike and his face burn with blush as he felt Eren’s warmth envelop him.

“…Do you really love me?” Levi whispered doubtfully, his breath tickling Eren’s neck.

Eren squeezed him harder, feeling a little horny being this close. “Yes.” He went to release him before he got an erection, but Levi refused to let go of his shirt. Eren laughed lightly. “Are you sure?”

Levi stared at him blankly. It looked very funny – his iron grip coupled with such apathy on his face. “Yes,” he said flatly.

Blushing, Eren conceded to stand toe-to-toe with him, bodies touching at their hips and at their chests. His hands rested on Levi’s waist; it felt so solid, but so small. He began to think about how close Levi’s forehead was to his lips, and how sexy his straight-backed posture was, and his erection was swelling against Levi’s belly before he realized it. Eren felt a hot flash of shame and Levi’s face showed signs of intrigued surprise.

“Can’t help yourself, can you?” Levi mumbled.

Eren shook his head guiltily. “I’ve been struggling with it lately,” he confessed shakily. “Just this week. I don’t know why – I was never like this before.”

“Fucking hot, if you ask me. I remember being that young. I wonder what Hange is feeding you when she visits?”

Eren was shocked. What did he just say? It was hot?! God, that was… He was so flustered. Levi mulled this over while Eren’s erection got even harder. But as much as Eren tried to move it away, Levi anchored him in place, well aware that he was making it worse.

“Captain,” Eren groaned. He was beet red. Levi shifted his hips to rub his stomach against it, and Eren cried out softly, making him grin.

“You really are as hard as concrete. Listen to you, you little slut,” Levi responded in awe. “She’s definitely been giving you something.”

“She just gave me a normal vitamin-”

“They’re hormone boosters.”

“What?! She said they were vitamins!”

“They were for your mood swing after the experiments. I guess you got over it before you finished the dosage.”

“So now it’s…?”

Levi smirked. “Now it’s making you a horn dog, brat. How’s it feel? Wait, is it me driving you this crazy?”

“It… I…” Eren’s head was going to explode. “Captain,” he begged. “Please, I…”

“Sorry.” Levi backed off, easing his hands off Eren’s shirt. He did stare at Eren’s erection, though. He glanced at Eren’s face, cracking an even bigger grin. “Do you need any help with that?” Eren pushed on it with his hand, looking away in abashment, and bit his lip. It throbbed pleasurably under his touch. He groaned. Levi quirked his eyebrow. “I think you do.”

“I… What…?” Eren stuttered. “How?” He was so hard… God, his dick was trapped, and it was throbbing…

Levi glanced at the door casually. Then, he pushed Eren into the wall and cornered him, kissing him hard. Here they weren’t visible from the door if anyone popped their heads in. Eren felt a stab of panic as Levi pushed his hand away from his package and began to touch it himself. “Relax,” Levi breathed. Eren gripped Levi’s waist and tried to bite back his fear of the unknown. He’d never had anyone touch him before, but God did he want it.

Pushing and massaging Eren’s erection, Levi worked it gently, feeling for its size. “Ahh… aaaahh…” Eren released a cry, his body heaving with lust under Levi’s strong fingers.

“Ssshhhh…”

Levi coaxed down Eren’s fly, reaching in to ease his cock out of its cramped cage. Eren immediately felt like he was going to burst. His cock was hard and thick, the head’s sensitivity through the roof as Levi wrapped his hand around it and began slowly stroking it. “Easy…” Levi unbuckled Eren’s belt with his other hand and pushed his pants down enough to get them out of his way. It pooled around his hips where the thigh belts held them up. Then he trapped Eren’s cock, in his hand, between their bodies.

He used his free hand to grab Eren’s hair again and he shoved his tongue down his throat as he began to jack him off, gradually gaining speed and strength in his grip. Orgasm was building in Eren’s balls much faster than it usually did – just the thought of Levi holding his cock made him want to blow, and he was already overflowing with waves of pleasure. Levi’s hand was so tight…

“F-Fuck… Oh my God… God, ahh… aaahhhh…!” Eren cried into Levi’s mouth, the tongue smothering most of the noise as colors exploded behind his eyes and he came all over his shirtfront. His hips rocked; his knees turned to jelly and sagged apart; his body buzzed with orgasm. Levi had to hold him up by his hair.

Eren hadn’t even lasted five minutes.

Levi’s hand was slick with cum and pre-cum as it gently stroked the orgasm out of him. He made Eren suck on his tongue before gently pulling it out. “Better?” He murmured. He was contently pressed against Eren, soaking his own shirt with bodily fluids as Eren gasped clumsily for breath.

“Captain…” Eren groaned, his head spinning. “I’m so… embarrassed…” He rubbed his face, covering it, and his expression twisted up in shame; from the neck up all of his skin was still beet red. “It was so fast, I…”

“Shh.” Levi kissed his hands until he lowered them and looked him dead in the eye. “You’re a virgin, Eren, don’t beat yourself up. Just relax… and let _me_ beat you up. I mean, beat you off.” He grinned, kissing Eren’s shamed grimace. “Look at my hand. It’s soaking wet.” He hummed. Eren realized then how pleased with himself Levi was.

“You just think you’re the shit, don’t you?”

“Excuse you. I’m THE shit, thanks.”

“Jesus Christ…” Eren waited for Levi to wash his hand, cackling, and he brought Eren a clean towel for his cock. Eren cleaned up and re-belted his pants and zipped his fly indignantly. “That was really good,” he admitted grudgingly.

“I know,” Levi shrugged, unbuttoning his shirt. “Now take off your shirt.”

 


	7. Would You Guys Like To Get A Hold of Yourselves

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A new relationship has begun to bloom between Eren and Captain Levi that has both of them reeling.

“Captain?”

“Hm?”

“I finished everything on the list, um… The snow stopped falling, too.”

“Did it?”

Levi looked up from his desk, surprised, and saw that Eren was right. The sun was high in the sky. It was a clear, freezing day; snow was mounded outside, probably at four or five feet high, but with this sun it’d probably get shaved down an inch or two by dusk. But it had stopped snowing for the first time all week.

Twirling his pen, Levi hummed thoughtfully. He’d been doing that a lot lately. It meant that he was feeling pretty happy, and that brought a smile to Eren’s face. “Sit down for a minute,” Levi said as he went back to work.

“Yes, Captain.”

Eren looked around the room. Levi was in the only chair. That meant… Blushing, Eren sat gingerly on the end of his bed, his hands clasped tightly in his lap. He’d stopped taking the hormone vitamins. Since then, he hadn’t had a burst of mania, and honestly Levi had been a little disappointed by that. He craved an excuse to get his hands back in Eren’s pants. As it were, they hadn’t been jumping into anything else sexual in the few days since the incident, seeing as both of them had been pretty rash that day.

Eren dreamed about Levi’s hands, and Levi dreamed about Eren’s nipples - which he’d seen after they took off their shirts and sprinted to their rooms – but both of them had reverted back to their awkward, shy state after the initial rush of sexual desire wore off. They’d even spent all that evening just sitting together in Eren’s room just talking. Both had gone to bed that night very comfortable and content with their new plan.

At first, Levi had wanted to line everyone up and tell them, and threaten to cut off their arms and legs if anyone reported it any higher, but Eren convinced him otherwise. “What’s the rush?” He questioned. “Let’s just do what we want, and let them figure it out. We’re all adults, right?” With that comment, Levi had given him a look like ‘bitch you’re twelve’ but Eren reminded him that they were technically dating now, and he conceded defeat.

“I want you to stay here tonight.”

Eren blinked. “Sorry, Captain?”

“I said, I want you to stay here tonight,” Levi repeated, putting down his pen and turning to face him. “With me.”

“Sleep together?” Eren blurted.

“Yes,” Levi nodded. “Nothing major, you don’t have to say yes. It’s just a request.”

He wanted to sleep together. In the same bed. Eren pictured them just like he did every night; he imagined them undressing, draping their clothes over the chair and curling up in bed together, their bodies sharing warmth… and touch. He felt color rise to his cheeks.

Levi blinked at him. “Eren?”

“Sorry, sorry,” Eren stammered. “T-Tonight?”

“Would you like to wait longer?”

“No!” Levi cocked an eyebrow with intrigue. Eren covered his mouth with his hand. “I… I think it’s a good idea.” He smiled, lowering his hand. “Sorry, I’m so…”

“Nervous?” Levi held out his hand, and Eren took it, locking their fingers together. They both squeezed tightly. Their eyes locked, too. “You’re not the only one… all right?”

Eren bobbed his head, feeling very determined to make this happen. He smiled confidently. “Tonight, then.”

Levi nodded absently. He looked down at their hands, comparing their skin tones, and a thought popped into his head. “I like it when you call me Captain.” Eren looked at him, taken aback, and Levi lifted his eyebrow. “Is ok that I call you brat?”

Eren chuckled awkwardly. “Brat is fine, but I like it when you say my name,” he admitted, and then added, “Captain.”

Sitting up a little straighter, Levi nodded, thinking very hard about that. He looked up at him with deep affection in his eyes, and Eren’s heart soared. “Eren,” he said in a low tone. Eren blushed very hotly. No more words were needed. Levi got up and sat beside him, their hips touching, and began to intently study their twined fingers. “I feel the need to compliment you.”

“On what?”

“I… I don’t know. I can’t think of anything.”

Eren laughed outright, making Levi scowl. “Why feel the need, though?”

“Because I really… you’re so fucking…” He sucked a breath in between his teeth angrily. It was very cute to see him like this; Levi was struggling to find the right words. He began to get frustrated.

“Because I fucking love you, that’s why,” he growled, not realizing until afterwards what he’d said. His face blanked before it turned a magenta shade of red. “I, uh…” Levi mumbled, very timidly. “I…”

Eren gaped at him. He really said it! After Eren had yelled it a few days ago, he’d been feeling pretty vulnerable, thinking that he might’ve crossed the line saying it before they’d even gotten on the same page. “I love you,” Eren replied softly, and Levi blushed so hard that he had to pull away and put his face in his hands.

“Jesus,” he groaned. Eren rubbed his back with slow circles.

“You’re very cute, Captain,” Eren offered.

“Fuck off.”

Eren leaned over to push his lips into Levi’s cheek, kissing him once, then twice before Levi turned his face away, feeling way beyond embarrassed. Eren grinned and used his free hand to guide his chin back to facing him. Levi let his hands fall away from his face and kissed Eren with his eyes closed tight. He bit Eren’s lip when he grinned.

“Shut up, brat,” he grumbled, very grumpily, and Eren stifled his grin long enough to get a nice kiss out of him. Eren’s hand rested unconsciously on Levi’s thigh. When Levi shifted, he thought he wanted him to remove it, but Levi caught his wrist. “Touch me, if you want.” He grimaced at the way that sounded. “I’m sorry… I mean…” Eren let Levi guide his hand back to his thigh. Slowly, he guided it up further, and Eren was holding his breath. “If you want,” Levi repeated quietly, and his hand slid away.

“I do,” Eren replied, sounding a lot braver than he felt. He ran his fingers across the belts on Levi’s thigh, then up to where his leg met his hip, ghosting his fingers along the top crotch fold of his pants. Levi and Eren didn’t kiss. Their mouths just hovered close together, biting their own lips and breathing each other’s air as Eren explored. Something swelled against Levi’s leg and Eren’s fingers moved over it carefully, feeling it, and judging how big it might be.

“It’s at half mast,” Levi explained. “I’m afraid someone’s going to walk by.”

“Don’t be,” Eren whispered, “I want it, now.”

Levi hungrily grabbed his mouth with a kiss, a rush of lust overcoming him. His erection swelled, and Eren couldn’t wrap his hand around it anymore, and instead he tried to massage it like Levi had done. His natural desire to stroke it took over, though, and Levi popped his belt so Eren could get his hand inside. Levi hissed with pleasure as Eren’s fingers freed his cock and closed around it eagerly. It was long, and hard, and the head was soft and pink. Eren’s fingers rubbed Levi’s balls, which were bigger than his, and he drew away from the kiss for a minute to look. The cock sparked something deep in his throat.

Levi, panting quietly, eyed him. “What is it?”

Eren’s face was blank. He looked from Levi to his cock and felt his mouth watering. “I… it’s a lighter color than mine…” He flushed. Slowly, he slid off the bed, kneeling between Levi’s legs. He was eyeing Levi’s cock like it was a rare delicacy.

Stunned, Levi’s cock throbbed in anticipation. “If… if you want to…?” He stammered, thrilled with passion. When Eren looked up at him with those big, questioning eyes, Levi’s heart throbbed.

Reaching out, he ran his fingers through Eren’s hair affectionately, massaging his scalp, and that seemed to be the signal Eren was looking for. He put his hands on Levi’s thighs, closed his eyes, bent his head, and his mouth slid around the head of Levi’s cock. Levi gasped in pleasure. He’d nearly forgotten what this felt like. Eren’s tongue slid out of his mouth and he ran it along the bottom of his cock, pushing more of it into his mouth as he reached out with his tongue. Levi shivered with ecstasy as he began to lick. Eren drew his long, flat tongue along the sides, tasting every square inch of the erection before closing it in his mouth again.

Eren tightened his lips and drew back with his neck and took a long, hard draw, and Levi saw stars. He gripped Eren’s hair hard and he began sucking eagerly, like he was hungry for it, and Levi pumped his hips to the rhythm of Eren’s bobbing head. If anyone walked in they would’ve been able to see absolutely everything because Eren was naturally acclimated to giving a blow job - he liked the taste of Levi’s cock - and Levi was losing his mind.

Lifting one of his arms up, without looking, Eren put his hand on Levi’s chest and pushed him back onto the bed so that he laid flat. Levi’s legs strained to spread wider and his hips rocked back and forth, trying to contain himself. His free arm stretched over his head to grab the blankets in his fist, making his shirt come up around his belly, and exposing his hip bones. Eren ran both hand across his exposed skin indulgently between hard sucks. With one swift motion, he grabbed Levi’s pants and yanked them down until they stuck at his thighs, making his legs draw closer together. Then Eren shoved his hands underneath Levi and grabbed his ass possessively.

He sucked and rubbed his tongue over the tip and worked him over hard and fast, without stopping to think about the end result, and pre-cum slid down his throat unhindered. An orgasm had been building for a while, at the base of his cock, just tingling and teasing - until one deep throating from Eren triggered it. Levi was almost completely silent, writhing in silence; he moaned loudly just one time before he came, his fingers locked into Eren’s hair. Colors exploded behind his eyes, stars dancing around his head as Eren’s mouth filled up with hot fluid.

Eren was not prepared. He sputtered a bit, swallowing eventually, and drawing back to compose himself from the shock of the taste. It was so salty… it tasted just like Levi. He flushed. Wow, he thought shakily. I did all that? Then he saw the coating of saliva on Levi’s throbbing dick, and he was smacked with another realization. Fuck, he thought. I did do that, and I… I really liked it.

When he looked up, Levi was propped up on one elbow, looking dazed. “I didn’t drown you, did I…?” He managed, just barely. His fingers were still gently massaging Eren’s scalp.

Eren shook his head shakily. “Are you ok?” He asked, smiling with timid pride. In reply, Levi collapsed back onto the bed, rubbing his face. Eren laughed. He winced as he got up off his knees; both of his kneecaps were achingly sore. He laid down flush with Levi, on his side, so he could still admire the stretch of his body. He felt his own erection for the first time pressing between his legs as he stroked the abs around Levi’s belly button.

“That was definitely payback.”

“For the hand job?” Levi sputtered.

“Exactly!”

“… Fucking touché… Jesus…”

“Are you sure you’re ok?”

“Look, you nearly fainted when _you_ finished.”

“I definitely did not.”

Levi pulled Eren close by his hair, as was becoming a habit, and he slid his tongue between his hot lips. Eren felt another swell of lust; he sucked on Levi’s tongue like he’d sucked on his cock, and Levi slowly drew it back. Then he kissed Eren with relief and satisfaction. “Does it taste good?” He asked curiously.

“Yeah.” Eren sighed the word contently without a second thought.

Levi gazed into Eren’s star struck face and felt the biggest butterflies smacking around in his gut. “Spoiled brat.” Eren gave him a look and he sighed. “I’m sticking with spoiled brat.”


	8. Mostly Background

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The explanation of Erwin's last visit, and what his visit this time means. Define legally...?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *This chapter is 60% recap for those who (like me) forget small details of the anime. Try and get through it, though, because there is plot in there!
> 
> *Also, the creator of AoT has decided that we should use equally male and female pronouns for Hange, or not use any at all, and since I'm struggling with both I have opted to use only female pronouns. Rest assured, though, that this is from both Levi and Eren's point of view, and both of them just assume Hange is female. I, on the other hand, am aware of Hange's gender ambiguity.

They were getting another visit from Commander Erwin soon, and this news seemed to be taken with surprise by everyone in the Survey Corps except Levi; he ordered Eren to iron his nicest uniform and to be seen being as obedient and cordial as possible. Anticipating an argument between Erwin and himself, Levi feared for Eren’s fate.

Commander Erwin had just come by last month to have a long debate with Levi about where Eren should remain. They’d decided where he should be placed in their system even before he was initially given a trial; clearly, since Eren was a Scout Legion soldier, Levi had managed to convince him that Eren should stay here with him. That was partly because it was logical and partly because Levi’s future sight told him that it was dangerous for Eren to leave this heavily fortified area, where humanity’s greatest soldier was there to keep him safe from radicals. Last week, Levi had been affronted by Erwin’s confession that there was a plot to eliminate Eren entirely. This week, he’d sent a forward telegram saying that Eren’s situation had to be reevaluated.

Eren’s safety was not one of Erwin’s top priorities. Erwin had the government’s interests to protect – the people of the kingdom already knew who was holding the ‘monster’ hostage and were violently torn between anger and acceptance. Most of them wanted Eren dead because he was a danger to the peaceful parts of the kingdom hidden behind the inner walls. There was a growing minority, though, that realized that humanity was losing the battle against the titans and Eren’s ability to play both sides could be worked in their advantage. There was even a small percent that thought Eren was some sort of deity sent to protect them from the titans.

The interests of the higher-ups was to keep the power they’d fought very hard for, and if Eren’s life threatened that power with a rebellion, then he was to be eliminated. The deal Captain Levi had struck with Commander Erwin was that as long as it was safe for Eren to be alive, Hange’s experiments would work to solve the mysteries surrounding this strange morphing power the boy seemed to possess. ‘Safe’ being ‘safe for the government to keep him alive.’

As it were, the kingdom was currently in a minor state of unrest and that unrest was building rapidly.

Hange was getting very far with her research. All she needed now was the formula that Eren’s father used to turn him into a hybrid – unfortunately, that formula was trapped beneath a collapsed house in a district flooded by titans, and the Scout Legion was on thin ice after their last expedition to try and get it. The capture of the dangerous mole, Annie - despite their inability to question her because she encased herself in a solid titan body after a fight with Eren’s enraged titan form – was a success, but they had failed to get the formula because of her assassination attempt on Eren.

Most of the men here had been hired to guard her after Gunther’s death, but Levi was well aware that far more threats existed against Eren’s safety than one female titan frozen in the basement of their HQ.

 

* * *

 

 

The snow outside had melted in the sun, and then frozen overnight to make a solid sheet of ice over the hills and barren trees. Everything was sparkling and light and cold. Levi hovered in his room, his uniform pressed and his face darkened. Commander Erwin’s band of horses crested over the horizon.

Levi sighed through his nose. His heart ached deep in his chest like a storm was coming; his future sight told him that trouble was well on its way, and it was a rare occasion when he was wrong. I hope I can protect him, Levi thought. Suddenly, he got an urge to be close to Eren, and when he turned on his heel Eren was there in the doorway with his green eyes aglow. Anxiety filled the younger boy’s face. Levi’s heart heaved with similar parts joy and apprehension, and he nodded for Eren to come in. Nervously, Eren crossed the room, glancing out the window at Erwin’s horses. He swallowed and his narrow Adam’s apple bobbed.

Levi’s arms went around Eren’s waist as they stood together in the dark. “Eren,” he murmured gently. “Look at me.” Obediently, Eren locked eyes with Levi, his nervous pulse thundering in his veins. A twinge of affection eased the desolate look that Levi was carrying. “You’re trembling.”

“I haven’t gotten used to… this… yet,” Eren admitted. “I keep waking up and thinking that none of this happened, so… I keep being surprised when it has.”

“You mean to say that you face each day not recalling that we’ve reached this place in our relationship?” Levi questioned. “…Do you feel that painful ache for me, still?” Eren nodded, and Levi felt a pang of pity for him. He must’ve been infatuated with him much longer than he thought. Bringing his body in close, he touched their cheeks together, pushing Eren’s pelvis against his waist tightly. “I ache for you always.”

Eren hesitated to touch him; even after all this time, he had yet to remove Levi from the pedestal he’d placed him on. He was not an icon, he was a person. Eren’s infatuation ran deep and he still felt like he wasn’t worthy of humanity’s greatest soldier. The look in Levi’s eyes gave him courage, though. He overcame his shyness and took Levi’s face in his hands, the warmth easing a bit more of his tension. The mixture of their sensual heat was a comfort to both; it was reassuring to know that the other found such familiar strength in their romance.

Levi kissed him then, so softly and so sweetly that Eren felt his heart fill almost to bursting, and when Eren pulled back, there was the steel will of determination in his eyes. Those eyes, that passion, was what made Eren such a good soldier. Levi admired him for his naïve willpower.

“Things will be all right, Captain. I know how much you value Commander Erwin’s judgement. Maybe you won’t fight.”

“I feel little doubt that we will argue, Eren, but allow me to handle this. I will make sure that you are safe, no matter what comes to terms.”

Levi pressed a tentative kiss into his cheek; Eren felt his knees turn to rubber. Levi was still trying to discover their boundaries as a couple, and as he wound find, Eren buckled like a newborn calf under each new touch. Levi was beginning to realize that this in almost every case except their approach to sex… which was still very awkward. Their experience in sexual communication was stunted.

Taking advantage of Eren’s weak knees, Levi kissed him again, tasting his lips with delirious relish. He loved the way that Eren’s mouth felt; he felt the press of Eren’s hands on his body and almost suggested that they take a few minutes to get riled up before the sharp call of the bugle signaled Erwin’s near arrival. They parted regretfully.

“Stay close to me,” Levi ordered on their way into the hall. “When we go into the conference room, I want you to slip away. Hide yourself on the third floor in the ballroom. Do you remember where the coat closet is?”

Eren nodded in confusion. “Yes, but why…?”

“Wait there for me. Barricade the door. When you hear me call your name, only then will you open the door. Do you understand?”

“Yessir, Captain sir.”

They went into the front room, where all of them were lined up to greet Commander Erwin, and Levi strode to the front doors with Eren by his side. He pushed them open, giving the royal salute in unison with his men as Erwin rode up.

“Commander Erwin,” Levi called flatly. “Welcome. Please, do come in.”

Erwin dismounted his horse and handed it off to one of the stable hands. His towering presence made them all feel as if they were in the presence of royalty. Flashing his blue eyes and quirking his thick eyebrows, Erwin pulled off his gloves and scarf, returning their salute. All of them became at ease.

“Don’t mind if I do, Captain Ackerman.” Erwin replied evenly, ignoring his sarcasm. “I believe we have a matter of much importance to discuss.”

Behind him, Hange appeared, running through the crowd of horses with a wild grin on her face. “Eren!” She called, tackling him in a hug.

“Hange!” Eren laughed, trying not to fall over. “What are you doing here?”

“I’m a part of this too!” Hange pointed out. “You’re my subject, after all.”

Levi and Erwin stood side by side, the tension between them thick enough to cut with a knife, and Hange happily chatted away with Eren as they walked inside to the conference room.

 

* * *

 

 

As soon as the doors to the conference room closed, Levi heard Eren’s footsteps wander towards the back staircase to the third floor. He relaxed as he eased into one of the four chairs surrounding a coffee table, and eyed the freshly brewed pot of tea placed on a tray with cheap china cups and crackers alongside it. Erwin sat across from him, and Hange sat in the chair alongside Levi, crossing her legs casually. She smiled as she poured herself some tea and grabbed a cracker.

“Where do we begin?” Levi questioned cautiously.

Erwin, eyeing him, leaned back in his chair. “We begin with Eren’s health.”

“Currently, he seems very well adapted and healthy,” Hange replied. “He’s a young boy with a great burden but I’ve never seen him livelier. Levi, what do you think?” Levi glanced back and forth between them; was this a trick question? Did they suspect?

“A bit headstrong for my liking, but Eren has indeed adapted well to his condition. Since our last mission he has not transformed by accident even once and has shown no signs of being uncomfortable with the restraints placed on his daily life.”

“Good. His obedience just makes this easier,” Erwin stated.

Levi gave him an odd look. “Makes what easier?”

“We’ve decided to kill Eren.” Hange piped. “Legally, anyway.”

“What?” Levi demanded. “Kill him… legally?”

Erwin nodded, his blonde hair shimmering in the dim light. “The public cannot handle the existence of Eren as being an asset of this kingdom. If we stage his death, and keep him in isolation, Hange can continue her experiments. However…” He sighed. “This means that any use we make of Eren cannot involve his titan form unless it is out of civilian sight.”

“If we get caught, we’ll have betrayed the trust of millions,” Levi objected. “They will be in an uproar.”

“If we don’t, Eren will be sought out by radicals and possible assassination attempts will continue,” Erwin countered. “Which would you prefer?”

Erwin never used snark on him unless he had an ulterior motive - this was definitely a trick question. Levi gave him a cold stare. “What’s the plan for killing Eren?”


	9. Fucking Who

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Levi's former lover is revealed, and Eren's head is spinning. What plan did they agree to, again?

 

On his way to the back staircase, Eren was intercepted by Petra, who had been looking for him. “I need to ask you something,” she said quickly. “Please follow me.” She led him towards an empty guest room. Eren gave a distraught backwards glance at the third floor stairs as he obediently went after Petra, closing the door behind him. Petra was one of Levi’s elite team members; she was beautiful, powerful, and very kind. She’d been the one who had tried to convince Eren of Levi’s true nature early on. Hovering by the wall adjacent to the conference room, she eyed him.

“Have you noticed a change in Captain Levi’s attitude lately?” She asked obliviously.

Eren blinked. “What kind of… change?” He lied badly.

            Petra narrowed her eyes. “He’s been… nicer. Much nicer. He stopped calling you a shitty brat – didn’t you notice at all?”

            Feigning innocence very poorly, Eren shrugged, glancing out the window into the snow and ice before he studied her. “I thought he was just feeling more at ease. We haven’t been issued a mission in months.”

            “That would agitate him.” Petra shot back. “Are you sure you’re paying attention?”

Eren rubbed his head. “Sorry, I’ve been an airhead lately. Of course I noticed. I just don’t like to make assumptions about the Captain – he always makes a fool out of me.”

That seemed to pacify Petra. She wandered around the room thoughtfully. “I thought since you two are always together that you’d have a more solid answer. Were you two fighting before?”

Nodding sadly, Eren wrung his hands. “Yes. I overstepped my boundaries with him. He reminded me of my place.”

“What do you mean?”

Eren blushed. “I, uh… he was pretty mad, and I tried to force him to… to speak to me about it.”

“What?! What did you do?”

“I… grabbed his arm.”

“And you’re still alive?”

Laughing, Eren rubbed his arms. “Yeah. He didn’t hit me, actually. I thought he would. I would’ve definitely deserved it.”

“Why’d you do it? You no better than to mess with him.”

“I was just worried, you know? I think…” Eren racked his brain. “I think he was irritated about Erwin’s visits, and I just wanted to be a friend, you know? He didn’t want to talk to me about it.”

Petra gazed at him evenly. “That would make sense.”

“W-Would it?” Eren stammered.

“Sure. They dated a long time ago – it’s probably really awkward for his ex to be his superior.”

A thunderbolt struck Eren’s heart. “Levi dated Commander Erwin?!” He cried in hurt surprise. His head spun like a top. Tall, burly commander Erwin, dating Levi?! Captain Levi was a foot shorter than he was! Admittedly, Eren was a few inches above Levi too, but still! Were they even close in age? Levi was as far from Erwin’s age as Eren was from Levi’s. Jesus, what was it with Levi an age gaps? Eren felt a stab of betrayal. It was painfully obvious now that he knew.

Petra looked taken aback. “I figured someone else would’ve mentioned it – he hates talking about his past, especially when it involves Erwin. Their relationship became a big scandal.” She crossed her arms and looked out the window. “They were always together, and there were barely any witnesses - but they were thicker than thieves for a short period of time. Of course, this was nine years ago, right around when Levi was having a rough streak of luck, so of course he’d turned to Erwin. They had a very passionate relationship. Now, of course, all that has been put aside. I’ve never even seen them smile at each other. It must’ve ended badly.”

“How did everyone find out?” Eren asked emptily.

“Well…” Petra glanced at him curiously. “Someone went to call on Erwin, and found them in his office. They had very adverse reactions to being found out.”

Eren sat down heavily. “Did they?”

Walking over to him, Petra touched his shoulder, peering into his face worriedly. “Hey, are you ok? Is it that big of a shock?”

Unable to fake apathy, Eren nodded numbly. “I… I never pegged him for the type.”

“Really? He seems pretty attached to you. You’re not…?” Eren said nothing. He just stared at the floor blankly. Petra’s eyes widened. “Eren.” She whispered. His silence shocked her. “You haven’t fallen for the Captain, have you?”

He couldn’t look at her. Picturing Levi and Erwin together was so painful; Erwin’s strong, demanding presence, fighting Levi’s stubborn, violent nature… Seeing them clash sexually was awful. Jesus… His heart throbbed painfully; tears welled up in his eyes.

“Eren!” Petra squeezed in beside him on the chair, putting her arm around his shoulders comfortingly. “I’m so sorry, I didn’t know. I wasn’t gentle at all. I’m so sorry.” She rubbed his shoulders. “Hey, it was almost ten years ago! He’s single now, and you two are so close. Why not just…?”

“I…” What should he tell her? What could he say? He felt like his heart was torn in two. Eren needed to go to the coat closet before the meeting was over – did he have time to…? No, he didn’t have time to explain his relationship to her. He wiped his face and smiled sadly at her. “Thanks, but I don’t feel up to it. I mean, who could compete with Erwin?”

“For what? For looks? You. For age? There’s no competition. Levi is twice your age and ten years under Erwin,” Petra pointed out. “You might be pretty young, but hey, if you’re both ok with it, what’s there to lose? You’re a seasoned soldier, which gives you an adulthood pass.”

“Thanks, Petra. I appreciate it.” Eren got up, smiling at her kindly. “I’ll come talk to you later if anything changes. Thanks for understanding.”

“Of course,” Petra replied, looking worried. “Are you sure you’re ok?”

“Yeah. Yeah, I’ll be ok.”

With a small wave, Eren left, and when he saw that the hallway was empty he broke into a sprint. 

 

* * *

 

 

Eren flew through the doors to the third floor. When he got to the coat closet, he locked the door, pushing empty shelves up against it. Then he crumpled onto the couch and his body trembled with racking sobs. He messily pushed snot off his nose.

Why did he feel so hurt? Was it because Erwin and Levi had known each other so long? Was it because they’d been sexually involved and Eren felt inferior? Both, Eren thought, maybe more, although his emotions were so mixed up that he couldn’t tell. Jealousy and depression and inferiority clashed like titans in his heart. He was so jealous. It hurt him deeply, thinking about Levi and Erwin fucking in his office nine years ago. This is why Levi hadn’t wanted to tell him. He knew Eren didn’t think he could compete with a grown man; and he knew it would damage him like this.

Curled up, his knees to his chest, Eren fought the wave of tears pouring from his eyes, burying his face in his folded arms. He sobbed. Why did Petra have to tell him? He felt bad, blaming her. It wasn’t her fault. He _had_ wanted to know, after all. Still, though. He was in so much pain because of her. Maybe it was his fault. Maybe he should’ve told all of them earlier that they were dating. Would hearing who Levi’s ex is have been any less painful then? …Probably not.

An hour passed. Eren lay down on the couch, pushing his face into the arm of the chair Levi had slept on. He inhaled the smell of the Captain and felt it fill his head. He imagined Levi lying here with him and shut his eyes. His entire body craved the curl of Levi’s body against his own. Why couldn’t he just have told Eren that himself?

 

* * *

 

 

 _“Eren!”_ A muffled cry came through the door. Eren didn’t get up. He glared at the door with hurt in his eyes. _“Eren? It’s Levi, open the door!”_

Slowly, Eren got up, hugging himself for warmth. God, it was freezing, and the temperature was dropping fast. He kicked the shelves out of the way and unlocked the door. The handle turned and the door eased open, Levi appearing in the dim light of the doorway. “Eren! Why didn’t you… answer me…?” He trailed off, seeing the hard, cold stare he was getting. “Eren? What’s wrong?” He demanded.

When Eren didn’t reply, Levi held out his hands, and Eren stepped away from him. The hurt in Levi’s face made Eren think twice. “I’m fine,” Eren said coldly. “What happened at the meeting?”

Levi paled. “You… you were right. We didn’t argue.” He stepped back so Eren could come out, and Eren pushed passed him, shrinking away when he physically bumped him. “You’re lying. There’s something wrong.” He watched Eren stalk across the ballroom dancefloor with blank eyes. “Tell me.”

“Fuck off.” Eren called over his shoulder.

In a flash, Levi crossed the room, grabbing Eren’s arm. Both of them came to an abrupt halt. “Don’t ever speak to me like that,” Levi hissed. “There is no excuse for that kind of disrespect. Speak to me. Now.”

“Let go, you asshole!” Eren cried, thrashing, and Levi snagged his other arm and pinned them behind him with one swift motion, bending him back until Levi was the only reason Eren was still upright.

“Spoiled brat!” Levi growled. When Eren looked him full in the face, both of them exposed in the light, Levi felt a tremor of shock when he saw the red splotches on Eren’s face and the tears in his eyes. He froze. “Who told you?” He whispered.

Eren spat in his face. Levi released him aggressively, flinging him to the floor by accident, and began rubbing the saliva out of his eyes with a groan. “Eren!” He exclaimed angrily. Struggling to his feet, Eren shot off, bolting away. Levi stared after him. Who could’ve told him about Erwin?

Levi walked slowly back to the second floor, where Erwin was waiting. “Well?” Erwin asked. “What did he say?”

“Eren is…” Levi paused. “I’ve upset him.”

“What? What happened?” Hange interjected.

Levi looked pointedly at Erwin. “He’ll do it.”

“Good,” Erwin said, eyebrow lifting. “Have him ride out with Hange in the morning.”


	10. No Way

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Eren and Levi will have to part... temporarily.

“Eren?” Levi rubbed his eyes and forehead, pushing his fingers back through his dark hair. “Eren, open the door.” It had been hours sine he’d locked himself in his room and Levi was beginning to worry. He hadn’t eaten, or had any water since before this morning. If he was this upset it was unwise to leave him alone. “Eren…”

“If they’re coming to kill me, just say so,” Eren mumbled through the door.

“Open this door, _now_.” The lock clicked, and the door knob turned, easing open to show a very rumpled Eren glaring out at him. Levi sighed in irritation and pushed the door open all the way. “Were you asleep?”

“I was tired.” Eren rubbed his neck as he sank down onto the bed. Levi shut the door behind him, and Eren looked up at him cautiously. “You’re not going to kill me, are you?”

“No.” Levi crossed his arms. “Eren, I was going to tell you when you felt more comfortable in this relationship. I didn’t think you were ready to know.”

“I wasn’t ready,” Eren admitted, gazing emptily out the window. “Petra mentioned it.”

Levi narrowed his eyes. “Petra. Hm.” He shifted to lean on his other leg. “Erwin and I are no longer involved at all. It will never be a problem. If you have an issue with it, I’ll do the best I can to ease your mind, but I swear, Eren – I planned on leaving any chance of having a love life far behind me.” Eren looked at him with surprise, and Levi eased down to sit beside him on the bed. “My… feelings… for you were buried so deeply that I wasn’t even aware of them… until…”

“Until?”

Taking a deep breath, Levi blew his bangs out of his face. “I heard you beating your meat and saying my name. It turned me on. None of the men know – I lied about that when I was being cruel. I took a walk one night and just… happened to hear.”

Eren blushed. “You… Oh, wow,” he sighed in relief, putting his head in his hands. “I thought the others already knew.” He glared at Levi from between his hands. “Why are you always lying?”

“I’m sorry.” Levi grimaced. “I’ve forgotten how to be honest.”

“Work on that, please. What did the council decide? It must be good, if you didn’t fight.”

“Yes. It is good. I was rather excited to tell you about it until you spit in my face.”

“You didn’t tell me that you’d had a passionate sexual relationship with the most powerful man in the Scout Legion. I was irritated.”

“I was considering your feelings. He and I are extremely incompatible - it was so long ago that I barely remember it. What can I do to stop you from worrying so much?”

Eren shrugged sadly. Levi put his arm around Eren’s shoulders and hugged him hard, pushing his nose against Eren’s temple. He breathed into his ear sensually. Eren’s body gave way to warm shivers as Levi’s lips trailed along his ear. He turned into Levi’s chest and melted into it; Levi held him close and pushed his fingers into Eren’s hair, a rush of acidic affection dripping over his heart.

“Tell me,” Levi repeated softly. “What can I do?”

“Tell me you love me.”

Levi kissed the top of Eren’s head; he felt his warm hands on his chest, and his face on his shoulder, and wondered why he’d been so afraid of this in the first place. “I love you so much, Eren, that I cannot imagine life without you.”

“Really?”

“I mean it. It scares me to consider it.”

Eren sat up, his eyes wide as he stared at Levi. “You? Scared?”

Levi’s gaze was even. “Eren, I am always scared of something. It drives me to be my best at any cost. I’m scared of losing my team; I’m scared of death; and I’m scared to have to wake up to a world without you in it.”

“Truly?”

Levi leaned in and bit Eren’s lip. “Eren, I hate filth, and when you make me feel filthy, I can’t get enough of it.”

“I believe you now,” Eren trembled.

“I knew you would. Look, Eren,” Levi said, reaching out and fixing the undone buttons on Eren’s shirt. “I’m sorry for all the pain I’ve caused your heart, but I’m truly doing the best that I know how to do. I didn’t really have parents. When my brother Kenny raised me, he did a damn poor job of it. I’m not well-adapted.”

“Who were your parents?”

Levi’s face flickered with an old pain. “My mother was a prostitute who died when I was young; no one knew she had died, and I was too young to take care of myself, so when Kenny finally arrived I was emaciated. We never knew our father.

Eren winced. “I’m sorry I asked.”

“It’s all right. I genuinely feel like you and I have a chance to be happy. For how long, I’m not sure. A lot of shit could happen between today and tomorrow. I’m not even sure if you should be with an old, broken man like me - but what I am sure of, is that I don’t want to be without you, and I’ll do anything to make that possible for as long as I can.”

“Captain…” Eren rubbed tears off his face. “I’m sorry I threw a fit. I shouldn’t have felt so threatened.”

“It’s all right. I understand. I’m sorry I didn’t tell you earlier.”

“It was probably the best call.”

“Are you ready to quit crying and hear what the council decided?” Eren nodded, smiling and sniffing through his tears. Levi paused to take out a handkerchief and wipe them away, kissing Eren’s salty lips. “Good.” When Eren had composed himself, Levi faced him on the bed carefully.

“Ok,” Levi began. “It’s no longer safe for the citizens to think that we’re keeping you alive. Erwin, Hange and I have devised a plan to stage your death. Only the Special Operations Squad and the council will know otherwise.” When it looked like Eren was going to start hyperventilating he grabbed his hands. “Don’t worry, I will personally notify Armin and Mikasa that you are indeed safe. And you will be. I promise.”

“W-What do I have to do, Captain?”

“Ride out with Hange in the morning. She’ll take care of everything.”

“What about you?”

Levi stiffened. “I… will meet you at a safe house… where you and I will be living. Hange will travel from the nearby village daily to continue her research.”

“What?” Eren laughed. “That’s amazing! We get to live together? Alone?”

“In a week.” Levi was visibly struggling. “I have to remain here to be reprimanded for your death, or else they will be suspicious. Then I will have to smuggle myself to the safe house.”

The smile slowly faded off Eren’s face. “Reprimanded? What will they…?” He gasped. “I’m a military asset! Won’t they hurt you, Captain?!”

“No, no,” Levi calmed him. “Half of this country, including the ones holding my trial, will be glad that you’re dead. If I plead guilty and act like I did it on purpose, Erwin will guarantee my safety.”

Eren sat back in shock. “You have to be punished?”

“I have to be punished, yes.”

Levi did not look happy at all and Eren couldn’t understand why he was this upset after claiming that everything was going to be fine. He cocked an eyebrow. “What’s the matter, Captain? You said everything would be fine – you didn’t lie, did you?” He felt Levi squeezing his hands harder.

“No. I didn’t lie. I also said being without you is something I’d do anything to prevent.”

Eren cracked a smile. “I’ll miss you, too. It’s only a week.” Levi bent his head and he shut his eyes, and Eren got a very bad feeling in his stomach. “Captain?”

“I don’t… know. I’m hoping that it will only take a week.”

“It might take longer?”

“Yes.”

“Look at me.” Levi lifted his head and met Eren’s eyes regretfully. “How much longer?” Eren demanded. When he didn’t answer, Eren lowered his eyes. “You don’t know.”

“No one does. This has never happened before.” Levi rubbed his thighs nervously. “I’m anxious to meet with you at the safe house, Eren, but I’m sorry to say that there’s no knowing how long we’ll be apart before that happens.”

“Jesus…” Eren bit his bottom lip, and both of them looked up at the same time. “So tonight is the last time I’m going to see you for over a week. Are we…?”

“Yes,” Levi replied quickly. His hasty answer made both of them blush. “You’re… you’re staying with me tonight.” He got up, holding out his hand. “Let’s go. You need food in your system; then I want you to pack your bags and come to my room. I want to speak with you about something else, and… I want be with you as long as possible before you go.”

Eren took the offered hand and rose to his feet; he was feeling pretty weak from not eating. “Is that your stab at complete honesty?”

“Yes. It was painful.”

“You’re learning.”


	11. HOLY MOTHER OF GO-

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> How will Levi fare without Eren to placate his negative emotions with affection? And why are you putting that in... there...?

The first time Eren had spent the night with Levi had been uncomfortable. Both of them wanted more than they were comfortable asking for, and had slept on different sides of the bed because Levi had gotten frustrated with their lack of communication and thrown a fit. His anger had been disheartening for Eren, who was feeling similarly frustrated and didn’t want to argue about it. Everything was a work in progress, but… it just seemed like sleeping together wasn’t going to become a steady thing.

As Eren packed, he remembered that Levi had been awake when he fell asleep, and awake when he woke. Maybe he hadn’t gone to sleep at all, but instead rolled over halfway through the night to watch him sleep. Those endless dark eyes, as deep blue as the water right before the ocean floor, seemed to only soften when he wasn’t looking at them.

Eren rubbed his neck as he stared at his small sack of clothes. His hairbrush, toothbrush, a new outfit, and bar of soap stood out on the dresser – they were his last possessions in the world besides Levi’s heart, and he was taking that with him when he left. How, he wondered, would Levi get on without it?

Tonight Eren knew was going to be different, and he steeled himself for more awkward tension. He wanted to make their last night for a while a good one. He took off his boots and put them aside, and took off his belts and hung them on the chair, and took off his short tan jacket and hung it neatly over his belts. Then he slipped into the hall with silent feet. The walls were stone cold when he brushed his fingers along it; he made his way along the floor, he felt the hush of the night. The doors he passed were silent.

When Eren reached Levi’s door, he knocked softly, preparing himself – and to his surprise, Petra answered. She grinned at him awkwardly and he knew they’d been talking about him. “Hey, Eren! I was just on my way out. Good luck tomorrow,” she added in a low, kind tone, kissing his temple. “We’re all rooting for you.”

“Thank you for all of your kindness,” he replied timidly. “I’ll miss you guys.”

“Take care, kid.” With a wink, Petra strolled off to her own door down the hall, and Eren looked into the room.

Levi was still fully dressed, leaning against the wall by the window with his arms crossed. He’d been eyeing Eren for a few moments. He had a stoic handsomeness to him; the curve of his lips, the casual sling of his hips, and the arch of his back told Eren that he was also ready to make tonight a good night. He was relaxed, and he was ready.

“All packed?” Levi piped up.

“Yes. I’m as ready for tomorrow as I’ll ever be.” Eren smiled as he stepped inside and shut the door behind him. “I, uh, probably look obvious, don’t I?” He motioned to his state of half undress.

Levi sat on the bed to take off his boots. He threw them into the corner. “I don’t really care, Eren,” he said truthfully. “Just having you here is all I can fucking think about right now.” Levi rose and walked over to him, putting his hands on Eren’s hips.

Eren’s eyed were full of Levi’s tragic beauty. He reached out, almost as, if in the dark, grasping for Levi’s chest belts. He wrapped his fingers around them so tightly that his knuckles whitened. “Does she know?”

“Petra knows,” Levi answered. “She was disgustingly bubbly about it when I told her the truth. Unbuckle me.”

With obedient motions, Eren unbuckled Levi’s belts at each section, feeling his own body heating up as Levi rolled his shoulders with every strap that fell loose. “She seemed pretty shocked when she learned that I… how I felt about you... I-I’m sorry, I’m really clumsy…” Eren stammered as one of the belts fluttered out of his hand and smacked Levi’s leg.

Levi ignored him. He watched Eren kneel to unbuckle his thigh belts, pushing his fingers into Eren’s hair. Eren rose back to his feet with the belts in hand; Levi took them gratefully with his free hand and threw them over the desk. “Don’t stop.” He murmured in monotone.

Eren swayed closer, feeling dizzy with Levi’s fingers massaging his scalp. He unbuckled Levi’s main belt, lifting away the main support skirt for the belts. It dropped to the floor heavily. Levi released Eren’s hair as he eased Levi out of his jacket; this, too, fell to the floor. Now they were in identical forms of undress. Eren’s head stayed fuzzy. What was this feeling?

“You can stop.” Levi began to unbutton his own shirt. Soon, it slid off his shoulders, exposing his lean, muscled torso. The shirt rippled away across the floor. His slack shoulders gave a distinct shape to the bow of his chest, making it seem concave, as if Eren would fit perfectly against it, and his nipples looked like they were harder than diamond. Eren wanted to touch him with hungry desperation.

Levi motioned with one hand for Eren to follow as he sat in the middle of the bed, lying back and unzipping his fly slowly. His white boxers came off with his white pants. Eren eased them off, Levi watching him with vague amusement as they came off each ankle. With each moment that passed, Eren stared shamelessly at Levi, his eyes raking up and down his long, sinewy body; he wanted to use his tongue to follow the map of belt indentations snaking across his white skin.

Eren fumbled with the buttons of his own shirt. He knelt over Levi’s naked body, and Levi’s hands eased him down until he was sitting on his lap, right before his sharp hipbones. When Eren reached for Levi’s porcelain flesh, though, both of his wrists were grabbed - and Levi used Eren’s unbuttoned shirt to bind them behind his back.

“Not yet,” Levi said quietly.

Eren swallowed and strained his arms as Levi undid his fly. Without taking them off, he slid his hand to palm Eren’s crotch, gazing into his face. He lightly ran his fingernails along the bottom of his balls. The resulting shiver prompted him; he rubbed Eren’s cock with his thumb. It was already swollen and thick.

“Fuck me, Captain…” Eren whispered, trembling, and bearing his pelvis down into Levi’s hand desperately.

Sneering, Levi moved his hand onto Eren’s ass and pushed his knee between his legs, pressing it into Eren’s growing erection. Eren cried out softly, his expression melting. Levi rolled his tongue around in his mouth seductively. He reached between his legs and grabbed the inside of his own bare thigh, carefully watching how Eren watched him with a ravenous look. Eren glanced pointedly at Levi’s half-masted cock and simultaneously struggled with his hands bound behind his back.

“Is that what you want?” Levi murmured. “A fuck?”

“Yes,” Eren pleaded. “Please…! I…”

“Yes?”

“I want…”

“Yes…?”

“I need to touch you,” Eren cried softly.

Levi immediately reached around and tugged on part of the shirt shackling Eren’s hands, making the knot unwind and fall away. “Take them off,” Levi ordered, tugging on Eren’s underwear. He grinned wickedly as Eren slid off of him in order to thrash out of his pants. He kicked them away violently. “Now come here.” Levi, lying on his back with his knees apart, lifted one hand towards Eren.

A thunderous thirst parched Eren; his throat was bone dry as he adjusted to being bare-ass naked in front of the hottest man in the Scout Legion. He felt so gangly and lanky and awkward, but the look in Levi’s eyes was ravenous. Eren’s cock twitched. Gently, he eased his body in bed alongside Levi’s, glancing to him for approval before he did anything. Levi gave him a small nod. Both of them knew how long Eren had waited for this moment. Then, burying his fingers into Eren’s hair again, Levi put his own head back.

“Do what you want, Eren,” he whispered, freeing him of sexual pressure.

Eren did not hesitate. He bent his head and kissed Levi’s warm belly with a sensuous sweetness; he touched his thighs and hips with ginger fingertips, tracing the pink lines left by the belts all the way down his thighs, passing close by his erection. Levi’s other arm lifted over his head to cover his eyes; he heaved a content sigh at Eren’s touch. Eren kissed a slow trail up between Levi’s thick abs, resting his lips against the center of his chest as it rose and fell with each breath he took. Levi’s body strained with well-restrained strength as he shifted his hips.

“Captain…” Eren moaned. “You feel so… powerful…”

Levi blushed, hard, and he pressed his arm tightly over his eyes. His heart pounded blood into his face and into his cock, making it stiffen. He hated it that the kid was getting one over on him. Eren was making him feel more like a man in heat, and it made him want to rush this foreplay along and fuck him as hard as he could. For his first time, Eren was very liberal with his newfound freedom, and it was titillating. No one had ever moaned over Levi’s body unless part of it was inside them.

A flood of longing filled Eren’s chest as he pressed his lips to Levi’s soft peck and felt his heart beating rapidly against his mouth. Levi felt so good… all of him was so tense, so tight.... Eren pushed his throbbing cock against Levi’s leg as he reached up, running his palms up and down his sides as if he was trying to warm them. Then, he leaned over and ran his hot, wet tongue over Levi’s rigid right nipple; he closed it in his lips and fondled the tip of it eagerly. It galvanized Levi, making his hips buck.

“I can’t do this,” Levi grunted.

He yanked Eren away by his hair and mounted him in one hard motion, pushing the boy down against the bed with his body. Eren gasped in surprise as he was suddenly looking at the ceiling. Levi spread Eren’s legs with his knees and trapped Eren with his own weight. Their cocks pushed together with savory thrusts; Levi’s teeth sank into Eren’s neck, one of his hands holding their cocks together, and Eren began to cry out in pleasure.

Every bite and suck struck Eren with stabs of feverish horniness that jolted his hands onto Levi’s ass and made him dig in his fingernails, forcing their pelvises to grind together. Their cocks pumped against one another as Levi squeezed them tightly. Orgasm was building deep in Eren’s balls; he released a broken moan as Levi pumped him harder. Levi grabbed his head with his free hand and turned it, giving himself more exposed throat to bite into. Eren’s neck was covered in wet red blotches when Levi grabbed Eren’s mouth with his own. Electrified, Eren’s body heaved with orgasm, and he sprayed cum all over their bellies.

Eren found all the pressure lifted from his body. He opened his eyes wide. He was lying alone with Levi suspended over him, Levi’s face clouded with lust. “Eren,” Levi breathed, and Eren understood. He parted his lips as Levi brought his cock up to his face and welcomed it into his mouth. Eren could taste his own cum, musky and sweet, as he coated Levi’s stiff erection in saliva.

Levi shut his eyes in succulent enjoyment. “Turn over,” he said finally. With clumsy motions, Eren shifted to lay on his belly, his orgasm-racked pelvis and cock throbbing against the blanket. Levi plunged his finger inside of Eren’s asshole, pumping it in and out, in and out, until Eren’s back was arched perfectly to suck him in as deep as he could go.

“Aaah… ah, aaaaah!” Eren moaned loudly, a whole new part of him swelling with pleasure.

“Say it again,” Levi panted. He thrust in two fingers this time, reaching deep.

Eren’s body was loosening up to allow for more. He spread his knees and clutched onto a pillow for something to bury his face into. “Fuck me, Captain,” he cried sharply.

Levi took his fingers out of Eren’s ass, and instead parted his cheeks with both hands. His body hummed with anticipation. He pushed the tip of his drenched dick against the rim of Eren’s asshole, probing it until there was enough lubrication to allow him access. Then, holding his breath, he pushed it inside Eren, pleasure exploding in his pelvis as Eren opened up and swallowed him tightly.

“Shit… Jesus, God… fuck…” Levi rasped, using short pumping motions until he was as balls-deep. “Eren, relax, please! You’ll cut off my dick if you squeeze much harder!”

Most conscious thought was lost on Eren. He was a writhing mess, sucking in Levi’s cock with a voracious appetite for sex. His moans were stifled by the pillow but his body was thrashing like a live wire. Levi fucked hard and fast when he realized that Eren was, in fact, not going to loosen up anymore, and his entire body gave in to lustful gluttony.

“Oh my god,” Levi groaned. “Eren… Christ…”

Orgasm gathered in his tight balls as they slapped Eren’s backboard - between the balls and the asshole – and before he could stop himself, Levi came with vengeful wrath, blowing his load deep, deep inside his lover. He sunk in balls deep and coiled himself around Eren, burying his face in Eren’s shoulder. “Jesus…” He murmured shakily, and when he pulled his cock out, it made such a satisfying, slick plop, that he wasn’t even mad.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> THERE YA GO YOU DIRTY BASTARDS


	12. They Never Learn

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The realization that they're going to be separated is hard for Eren to take, but Levi shows bravado when faced with his overwhelming feelings.

 

Eren woke with a start. He’d been having a dream about leaping rooftops and tripped in the dream, falling through his mind and right into reality. His heart thundered in his chest. As he came back to his senses, he felt the spread of the sheets and the soft blanket, and was bombarded with new fragrances. The bed around him was foreign; it smelled like Levi when he emerged from his bedroom every morning, and… sex? Hot, rough sex that had ended in mind-blowing orgasms. He blushed as he recalled last night. When had he fallen asleep? He remembered being blinded by the pillow, and feeling Levi behind him, and the pounding, and then… nothing.

He took a deep breath, rubbing his eyes. His ass throbbed with a pleasurable pain. Deep inside him, he felt something warm and hot that had obviously been kept well all night. He touched his bare belly gingerly with his palm as a rich, sensuous feeling rolled around in his groin. That’s right - Levi had finished inside of him.

Despite Eren’s physical mixture of exhaustion and a feeling of contentment that had settled deep down in his bone marrow, his body responded to the memories with heat, as well as stiff morning wood. He was still naked beneath the sheets. Rubbing his face absently, he glanced out the window. The sun hadn’t even risen yet. He had to leave with Hange a little after dawn; what time was it? He craned his neck around to see the clock on the wall ticking incessantly; it read 5:43 AM.

A jolt of panic shot through him. He had to meet Hange at 6:30 AM! He needed to shower, and saddle his horse, and…

A soft sigh yanked Eren out of his thoughts. He glanced alongside him, almost surprised to see someone else asleep in the bed, and an arrow shot itself through his heart. Levi was lying completely nude with his back to Eren. He’d had all the blankets stolen from him; in the night, Eren had made a cocoon, starving Levi of warmth. His handsome figure gently curved towards the pillows, which he had his arms wrapped around like a child clinging to a stuffed animal, the muscles in his back twisted and defined. The splay of his legs made his perfect ass look thrust out - in fact, his ass and the middle of his back were both touching Eren, at the hip and the arm. It was like he’d wanted a part of them touching all night so that he would know Eren was still there.

Eren turned towards him, careful not to wake his sleeping lover. He bent over the Captain’s shoulder to peer at his face. Levi’s expression was so… lost. He looked like he’d been expecting something for years only to have someone unreliable let him down again; his face was drained of color, his brow was knitted, his lips were pressed into a thin line, and his dark hair was a total wreck. Why did he look so worn out? Had he thrashed around all night, and Eren hadn’t noticed? That was odd. Maybe he’d _really_ been fucked out, but he felt a sharp stab of guilt. What suffering could make him look this way?

He lifted the blanket to cover Levi’s pale body, tugging it up to his chin, and he slid in alongside him and pressed himself flush with the Captain. He bit his tongue in shock. Levi was freezing cold! Eren pushed his face between Levi’s shoulder blades in an attempt to share his warmth. What was it with Levi? He could’ve unwound him at any time and joined him under the blankets. The two times Eren had been able to catch him asleep, he looked miserable, and had refused blankets of any kind. It was like… watching him sleep stranded on a cold, deserted island.

It broke Eren’s heart.

When he gets back from the trial, Eren thought with vigor, I’ll make sure he sleeps better. I’ll make it my new prerogative. He lifted his hands and touched them against Levi’s chilled back, moving them in a circle around his shoulders, and then back again. Levi’s chest heaved with breath; he seemed to feel Eren’s warm touch, and he was unconsciously eager for them to be closer together. He lifted his leg enough for Eren to slide one of his own between his. They twined together, and Levi pushed his ass back into Eren’s erection, his head and arms burying deeper into the pillow. He was too tired to perpetuate any kind of sex, but it was clear that he knew Eren was horny for him again.

Eren smiled shyly. The shift of Levi’s body into him gave off a spark of affection that struck into a flame, which began keeping his heart warm. The icy fear that Levi was being tortured in his slumber melted away. Eren released hot breaths out of his mouth against the unblemished skin of Levi’s back; his nose was smushed against Levi’s spine as he slid his hands over the length of Levi’s torso, spreading the heat in his hands along his marble flesh.

 

* * *

 

 

The clock ticked. Now that he couldn’t see it, Eren had no idea what time it was now, but he didn’t care. All that mattered right now was that he was a comfort to Levi as he dozed late into the morning.

Eren was in love with him. He felt it in every part of his body with coursing adrenaline that drove him to imagine more and more of their life together. He would sleep alongside his Captain, and fight alongside him with stars in his eyes and fire in his soul, and he would be able to gaze into his breathless beauty every moment they were together. He saw them holding the other together when they were falling apart and all their stitches had unraveled. It made his heart swell to think about it. They didn’t have to be together all the time; Levi was powerful, and Eren was a liability, but just looking into his eyes every morning, and every night… that would be enough to sustain their love for the rest of his life.

The very thought of the future overwhelmed him. To finally share his love with Levi and have him return it just as strongly as it was given… But not until he finally came back. Tears welled up in Eren’s eyes. He bit them back, but still they rolled down his flushed cheeks, dripping onto Levi’s back. He tried to hold back a sob that choked him deep within his throat, desperately clawing at his willpower to stop it, but still it came out. It sounded like a strangled whimper. Eren was ashamed of himself as a torrent of tears flowed from his eyes.

By then, he had already warmed Levi up considerably. Levi stirred, waking to Eren’s aching cry of sadness. A hand was dragged over his face so he could wake himself up before he turned over, peering with weary eyes into the crumpled face of his lover. His heart was filled with panic. “Eren? Eren, why are you crying?” He groused, his voice thick with sleep.

Eren’s face was hot in his hands, and he struggled to see it as Eren hid his expression from Levi. “Are you in pain…?”

Eren shook his head. Sobbing now, he buried himself in Levi’s chest to hide his shame. His guilt grew when he realized that he’d woken Levi up when he had finally been sleeping soundly. Shock froze the Captain. He put his arms around Eren and held him close, but he was speechless, still very muddled.

Eren cried against the chiseled body of the man he loved with heaves of sadness and joy battling for control in his heart. He covered his face with his hands, tears and snot running through his fingers, and realized that he had to calm down. He was unnecessarily scaring Levi. Squeezing his eyes tightly shut seemed to help. All the colors and the darkness of the room faded to black.

Levi’s hands began to move rhythmically along his back, and his lips pressed into Eren’s hair. Eren blocked out all sound except the beating of Levi’s heart. Eren forced himself to relax; pressing his cheek to Levi’s breast, he could feel his heartbeat rather than hear it, the tsunami of emotion in his chest seeming to ebb. He took a deep breath, held it, and then released it slowly, his entire body releasing the tension caused by the sudden onslaught of his feelings. He took another deep breath and let it out shakily.

“… Sit up. Take it easy.”

Eren did as he was told. He bent over his lap, the blanket covering his softened genitals, and looked down at his messy hands with blank eyes. His head was reeling. Levi sat up, staying very close by. He reached for a box of tissues and placed them in front of Eren. One by one, Eren began to pluck them, wiping the snot and tears off of himself. His hands were very weak and his shoulders were shaking. He balled up the soiled tissues as he wiped off his fingers and let them fall, grabbing more to continue. Levi plucked a tissue.

“Eren, let me see your face.”

Eren’s neck felt like it was made of rubber; he barely turned his face to look at Levi, and Levi used his finger and lifted Eren’s chin just high enough to get a good angle at which to clean his nose. His fingers were gentle, but thorough. Eren felt like a child again. Levi dabbed the water off Eren’s cheeks with a freshly plucked tissue. Then he folded it in half and held it onto Eren’s nose.

“Blow,” he instructed, and Eren made a trumpeting noise as he obeyed. Levi finished cleaning up his nose as Eren started cleaning his other hand. “Feel better?” He asked gently.

Eren nodded timidly. It was so unlike him to cry. He couldn’t remember the last time he’d cried; even at his friends’ funerals his eyes had been dry, as if he didn’t have any tears left at all. Now it seemed like the floodgates had released a torrent. He finished cleaning his hands; they were still weak, though, which made him feel even worse. He was an emotional weakling.

“Can you speak?” Levi’s voice was placid and comforting. He rested a hand on Eren’s knee, kneading it with his fingertips.

“I, uh…” Eren rasped. He cleared his throat and swallowed. “Yeah. Yeah, I’m sorry.”

“Don’t be sorry, Eren. Are you… upset about today?”

Eren couldn’t look at him. He’d start crying all over again. Jesus, what was this awful feeling? “I…” He choked. “I’m really gonna miss you, Captain.” Tears blurred his vision again. “Please,” he begged. “Please come back to me quickly! I-I won’t, I can’t…”

“Eren…” Levi sounded heartbroken now. “Don’t cry over me, Jesus.... Please don’t cry over me…” Levi laced his fingers into Eren’s hair and pulled his head closer, kissing new tears off his cheek. “Of course I’ll come back to you, you fucking brat…What else am I going to do…? All the men think I’m gay…” He licked at the tears, teasing him, and Eren laughed a little even though his nose was flooding all over again. He regretted breaking down like this, but he couldn’t stop himself. He struggled to get his emotions under control as Levi handed him another tissue. “Lay back and listen to me.”

Eren lowered himself carefully back onto the bed. He lay on his back, feeling his sinuses drain and the tears falling down his temples. He swallowed until his nose was clear again. Levi rubbed his stomach with a kind hand and wound his other hand together with Eren’s.

“I don’t want you to feel like this is going to be such a terrible thing,” Levi said calmly. “We’ll go our separate ways for a little while, sure. You’ll be alone with Hange, God forbid; but you’ll be in a cottage on the other side of the mountain. You can see the sun rise every morning. There are really nice things there - a local family stocks it for Hange because they’re old friends. There are beautiful quilts, and a garden, and rooms full of art and cabinets of food, and memories to be made. Our memories.” Levi leaned on his elbow beside Eren and looked him in the eye. “If you’re so worried, just nest.”

“Nest?” Eren queried.

“Yes. Move the furniture around. Clean. Get into a routine. Cook a little, set up the bed the way you want - open the windows and let in some cold air. Go for a walk, get to know the area. Collect herbs. Build a fire at night in the fireplace. Leave no stone unturned.” Levi rested his palm between Eren’s breasts. “Prepare to settle down for a while, and _relax_ for God’s sake. You’ve done a lot lately. When we recuperate and come up with a plan, I’ll be back, and we can spend as much time as you want going over every detail until it’s completely perfect. All right?”

“All right.” Eren clutched Levi’s hand. “I’ll do what I can.” Levi bent to kiss him deeply. He sighed into it, playing with Eren’s mouth a little, and undenounced to him, Eren’s cock throbbed. Blood rushed back into Eren’s face. “Captain,” he murmured lustily.

Levi pulled back a little and glanced down at the tent Eren had made with the blanket. He grinned slyly. “I did want to fuck you at least _one_ more time…”

Eren got his attention back briefly by cupping his face in one hand. “I can still feel your cum inside me,” he told him shakily, and a horny fire kindled in Levi’s eyes.

With an extremely pleased groan, Levi kissed his mouth, sliding his tongue between Eren’s lips. He rolled around in Eren’s mouth as he reached down to massage his erection. “You’re so fuckable,” he mumbled, drawing back. Eren writhed beneath his touch. “Say it.”

“Fuck me, Captain,” Eren cried softly.

Levi was filled with newfound zeal. He bit Eren’s neck one more time, sucking another hickey alongside the collection of other ones, and only released him when he moaned loudly. “Spread your legs,” he panted. Once Eren obeyed, his knees bowing apart and his supple thighs drawing aside to reveal his full erection, Levi leaned down and sank Eren’s cock into his mouth. Then, he pumped his fingers into Eren’s asshole.

Eren let out a cry of pleasure and shock. He blossomed like a flower, his arms reaching up over his head, his hips rolling, and his entire body humming involuntarily. The suck and tease of Levi’s mouth was so much hotter than he imagined. His cock was being milked, and no matter how he cried out or moaned or wiggled, it only got better and better, jolting ecstasy through his groin repeatedly. He twitched and jerked until he couldn’t take it anymore. He came hard, and Levi didn’t even pause when he swallowed, far too busy listening to Eren’s cries of orgasm.


	13. Separated? For How Long?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Eren and Levi part ways. But, on his way to go see them, he runs into Mikasa and Armin - and gives them the shock of their lives.

Levi barked Eren out of bed a few minutes later. He chased him into the shower, following him in and locking the bathroom door, and they spent a few minutes under the boiling hot shower head struggling to wash their hair. Every time Eren got near the stream, Levi flicked soap in his face, and took over again. After a bit of wet wrestling both of them were finally clean. They dried off and dressed quickly, brushing their teeth at the same sink; both of them were nearing their departure time, and Eren ran off to gather the last of his things before Hange came down to saddle her horse. When she did arrive, she found both of them in a state of calm quiet as they readied the horses in the snow.

Hange smiled as she approached, her cloak neatly pressed and her riding boots strapped on tightly. “You boys ready to part ways?” She called, reaching out to fix Eren’s mussed hair. He looked like he’d gotten it perfect, then Levi came in and fucked it up when he kissed him; she was right.

Eren and Levi exchanged a glance of mutual solemnity. Levi nodded, and Eren smiled at Hange. “Yeah, we’re ready.”

Hange swung up onto her horse as Eren finished tying down his pack and did the same. Levi, the reins of his horse in hand, stood looking up at him with unreadable eyes. “Move quickly. Don’t use your hood until after it’s over – unless the weather sours.” When he spoke, his breath came out in a harsh mist. It was freezing. He reached up, and Eren reached down, their gloved hands locking together tightly. “Nest.” He added firmly.

Eren gave a confident grin and bobbed his head. “Yes, Captain.” Their hands parted. Levi swung up onto his own horse, and Eren stared at him proudly. “Good luck, Levi.”

“Thanks, Eren,” Levi replied quietly.

Nodding to Levi, Hange kept her goodbyes to herself as she turned her horse around and took off into the thick, white forest. Eren followed close behind. He felt the ebb of Levi’s heartbeat fading into the distance, and his own cried out in sorrow, but he did not turn around. He had orders to follow.

Levi watched Eren go with pain written all over his face like an open book. Hange was capable, but to him, no one would protect Eren better than he could. When he could no longer see them through the brush, he listened to their horses’ hooves pounding the earth. When that, too, had faded, Levi pointed his horse towards his destiny and kicked it, making the both of them sprint away; they ran far away, far from where Eren would be – and for how long, he dreaded to imagine.

 

* * *

 

 

            At first, the silence was deafening; the thunder of Levi’s horse and the whistle of the wind in his cold ears faded into the background. There were no voices. There was no other sound. Only hooves crushing ice, and the thick, deep pant of his working animal. Then the silence became comfortable. Levi was tense and rigid on the back of that horse, but he had never felt more at ease. Striking out on a secret mission made him feel like he used to feel back in his vigilante days. He had a small store of food, a strong companion, and an endless supply of burning ambition. Returning to Eren was his only goal in mind.

            Even as he traveled the land opened up before him, pouring out new valleys and rivers he felt like he’d never seen before. They were familiar to him after his last few trips back and forth to other cities, and yet… they shone with new exuberance. Their mouths gaped open to allow him entrance. The rivers flowed in his direction. The wind blew at his back. Every sign in nature was urging him forward; ride, ride, it whispered; ride, and be quick about it, because someone is waiting for you.

            A day passed, then two. Each time he camped, he would stare up at the stars at night and plot his way back through these hills. He marked the branches he would use for a shelter if it snowed again in a few weeks, and the deep parts of the river to avoid when they froze over. He carved something out of wood and buried it in the soil alongside the river one night; leaving it there the next morning gave him yet more hope as to his safe return. The dirt seemed to fly away from him into the past as he rode. The air was new in every patch of trees. Once he crossed an open field, and when his destination was clear over the distant treetops, he felt his heart harden.

So it begins.

 

* * *

 

 

The next morning, on the last leg of his journey, Levi packed up early instead of snatching any extra rest – he rarely slept well, if at all – and swung up onto his steed. About an hour’s ride later he spotted a pair of horses strung up to thick oak trees along the side of the road. He slowed. Cautiously, he approached them, and when he spotted a head of black hair and a head of blonde hair poking out of their thin military futons, he knew who it was.

“OI!” He shouted, and both of the Scout Legion cadets leapt out of bed, whirling on him fearfully. Levi smirked down at them from his horse. “Getting a late start?”

Armin gaped at him, struggling to his feet. “C-Captain Levi!”

Mikasa and he saluted Levi simultaneously. Levi waved them off. “What are you doing out here? Your next visit is supposed to be a week away.”

“We got an early start,” Mikasa replied darkly. Levi eyed her.

“Is that so?” He murmured, amused.

Armin blushed in shame. “We just wanted some extra time to talk to Eren. He was having… conflicted thoughts… last time we saw him.”

“Oh? What about?” Levi questioned curiously, teasing them. He was in very good spirits. It put off the two cadets; both of them stiffened. Armin didn’t know what to do - lie or change the subject.

Mikasa glared at him. “About you.”

Armin’s head blew up. “MIKASA!”

“Oh, that!” Levi swung off his horse, casually stroking its neck when he was poised easily on the icy earth. “That matter has been resolved.” He grinned deceitfully.

“WHAT?!” They demanded in unison.

“You two really shouldn’t do that, it’s rude,” Levi pointed out. “Eren has agreed to marry me. He’s headed to our future home right now with Hange. The wedding is next month.” Mikasa exploded, leaping at him ravenously. Levi deflected her attack with ease. She skidded underneath his horse gracefully, whirling to leap at him again. This time, he let her grab his shirtfront, laughing good-naturedly. “Relax! I’m kidding!”

She let go, burning with fury as she reached for her blades, and Armin grabbed her wrist. “Mikasa!” He said sharply. “Please!” Slowly, she backed off, and Armin stepped forward. Levi was carefully fixing his collar. “Captain, please don’t mess with us,” he pleaded. “We’re very worried about him. What do you mean?”

Levi took a minute to contain his bounding energy. He settled back on his heels and sighed, eyeing them both. “Of course you are.” Rubbing his hands together, he gathered his thoughts carefully and looked pointedly at Mikasa. “Eren and I are not engaged. He is, though, on his way to a safe house in a nondisclosed location. Plans have changed recently and I’ve come to make you aware of them.” He spread his hands. “It’s lucky I ran across you two. I have a lot to speak to you about. Please, finish gathering your supplies together. Then we’ll talk.”

 

* * *

 

 

Mikasa an Armin packed their things away. Levi was sitting on a downed tree nearby, feeding his horse flowers sprouting from the hollow trunk. He could feel the two of them staring holes into his head. Nonchalantly, he slid off the trunk. As his horse chewed the simple weeds, he stroked its long nose, his boundless energy stunted. He hadn’t meant to make such strange jokes to Eren’s only family. Although he was trying to cover up missing him, it was no excuse, and he felt a pang of regret for the first time in a long time. He tried to shrug it off. He’d never regretted being rude before, why start now?

“Heicho,” Armin called as they walked their horses over to him. “We’re ready. Please tell us about Eren.”

They talked for an hour. Both of them were shocked about the plan, as well as the end result. Armin sank dejectedly to the frozen ground. Mikasa, agitated that, again, she was denied access to Eren, paced the small clearing they occupied. Leaning back against the rotted tree, Levi crossed his arms.

“It’s imperative that you keep to your schedule,” he said quietly. “I’m sorry to bring you this news of your friend, truly. Without this plan, his life is in dire danger from the radicals. They, like you, are headed to HQ to find him.”

“That’s it? That’s all?” Mikasa snapped. “We won’t be able to know if he even survived this trip to wherever maybe for months, and you get to waltz right back to him like you’re the only one who deserves to be with him?! We’re the only family he has!”

“It isn’t deserving,” Levi replied patiently. “Hange has to be seen moving on. Her work is widely public, and if she remains focused on Eren like she is now, they’ll know that his death was a hoax. She has to return to her ‘titan studies,’ where she and Erwin will keep a very close eye on the radical movement. My political presence is unnecessary. On rumor and the cover of my men, and with the word of Erwin, my absence can go unnoticed. The rest of my team will be leaving on a covert mission to upset the radical center point without me. With them on the move, there’s no way for anyone to tell that I don’t accompany them. I’m the ideal bodyguard for Eren.” He sighed. “As soon as it’s safe… I will recommend both of you a position on the Special Operations Squad.”

Mikasa and Armin shared looks of mutual shock. It was almost funny; if he hadn’t so serious about it, Levi would’ve laughed.

“Don’t look so shocked. Armin, you’re the most intelligent cadet I’ve ever seen,” Levi pressed. “And Mikasa, your strength almost rivals mine.” He looked her up and down. “The Ackerman blood flows in you, too. With time and experience, the two of you will make fine editions to my men.”

It began to snow; the three of them paused to look at the sky. Levi felt a deep calm settle over him. Armin and Mikasa, though very different, were sharing the same conflict of emotions.

“Eren will be on the squad as well,” Levi continued quietly. “He, of course, will be an undercover soldier from here on out. We may have to alter his life quite a bit to allow him to remain with us, but this leave we’ll be on is temporary. Until the radicals firmly believe Eren’s life has been taken it isn’t safe for his face to be seen in society.” A short silence fell.

Mikasa broke it. “So,” she murmured in a low tone. “What do we do now?”


	14. FUUUUUUCKING HELL

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Eren is sick from being separated from Levi; why? Levi, similarly, has a very scary dream.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *this dream of Levi's may contain triggers. please read with caution.

Eren was feeling unwell as their trip progressed. He clawed at the scarf around his neck as they rode hard along the pathway; Hange thought it was there because he was cold, but in truth it was because Levi had covered his neck in hickeys when they’d last had sex. He felt them like marks of dominance and ownership. He could feel Levi’s teeth in his throat and hands ghosting over his body when he lay down at night trying to sleep; deep inside, he was heartbroken in knowing that he was separated from the Captain, but these marks and the impression of Levi’s lovemaking on his mind and body reminded him of why he was doing this.

Someday very soon, they would be alone together. That was the only fire left burning left in his chest besides his passionate love for Levi. His infatuation for Levi had only grown since their departure.

The trees rushed passed them; no matter how many days flew by, trees were everywhere all around him, closing in, and Eren felt a clawed hand of panic clutch his heart in its claustrophobic embrace. He struggled for breath. The horse’s flesh shifted and thundered below him, making his body jolt with each impact of its hooves on the ground. The smell of its skin and breath filled his head. His heart began to pound too hard.

I can’t breathe, Eren thought with a sudden shock of fear. “Hange,” he cried, and felt his whole body going numb. His horse felt him jerk the reins hurriedly and skidded to a sharp stop; Eren found himself flying through the air, and when he woke up, pain racked his body and Hange was kneeling over him with his scarf in her hand. Nothing was moving and everything was moving at the same time. His body hummed with the impression of the horse between his thighs. His head spun, but his hyperventilating began to calm itself. It was freezing cold, and mud and snow covered his cleanly pressed clothes.

Hange snapped her fingers over his eyes and he looked at them obediently. “Eren? Can you hear me?” He groaned in reply. “Can you breathe normally?” Eren nodded, and she began an inspection of his bones, prodding and poking him for injuries. “Relax,” she pressed. “Relax, Eren. You just had a panic attack. It’s all right.”

“Christ…” Eren moaned as his head quit spinning. “What… did I…?”

“You flew off your horse. It seems to be safe, but you definitely got a few dents from the impact. Can you sit up for me?”

Eren struggled to get up on one elbow, and Hange had to haul him upright. He cried out in pain. “My leg,” he groaned, biting his lip to keep from crying out again. Hange pressed the caps of his knees, frowning deeply as he jolted when she touched his left leg.

“You’ve probably got a fracture. Does anything else hurt?”

Eren shook his head dejectedly. “No.” His hair was full of snow.

Hange sat back on her heels and looked at him evenly. “Eren. What happened?”

“I…” Eren rubbed his face with a shaking hand. “I think the scarf was cutting off my airflow. It was too tight. I…”

“Relax, Eren. Stop beating yourself up.” Hange pulled medical tape out of her breast pocket and began to wrap his fracture. “If I had hickeys like that, I’d cover up, too.”

Eren’s face turned beet red. He lay back in the snow, covering his face with his arms. “I’m sorry. I’m so much trouble.”

Hange laughed gently. “Eren! Things like this happen to everyone! You’re only human.” They exchanged a look, and Hange grinned awkwardly. “Mostly.”

When she was finished binding him, Hange helped him change into a clean coat. Then she tied up their horses and brought their lunch for the day to where he was sitting, up against a dogwood tree. She sat on a wide tree stump nearby and crossed her legs.

“Captain Levi… you’re really in love with him?”

Eren was trying to rub snow out of his hair; he nodded without speaking, his eyes fixated on his wrapped-up leg. He felt so awful. Why did he have this pit in his stomach? It had only grown the further they distanced themselves from HQ.

“I’m so sorry you had to leave him.” Hange sighed as she bit into her bread. “… but we’ll be at the cottage before you know it, and so will he.” She reached over and handed him a bundle of cheese, a bite of bread, and dried meat. “Eat. When you’re ready, we can get going again.”

Gratefully, Eren accepted the food. Pulling off his gloves, he began to pick small pieces of food out of the bundle and putting them in his mouth. He chewed slowly and swallowed. “I like the hickeys,” he said absently.

“They look great. Kind of makes you seem like you have a disease, though.”

Eren shrugged half-heartedly.

Hange hadn’t realized how hard on him this was going to be. She took out a notepad and a pen and began to scribble; a social experiment was forming in her brain. She documented Eren’s reaction to being separated from the potential mate he’d acquired with painful accuracy. Then, pausing, she remembered just how young he was.

“Eren,” she said, and he looked up at her curiously. “Do you often have these bouts of panic?”

“Not… often…” Eren thought hard about that. “Ever since my district was destroyed, I’ve been experiencing very strong waves of emotion. I thought it was just… puberty.” He blushed. “The anxiety is new. Since I’ve been separated from my friends, and through the experiments, it’s been harder and harder for me to control my negative reactions to things.”

Hange wrote diligently. “Stress?”

“Yeah,” Eren agreed. “Being around Levi lessened things considerably. Whenever he’s nearby, I can feel my panic ebbing.”

Smiling, Hange shut her book and put it away. She looked up at the cloudy sky. “That’s a first,” she admitted. “Mostly, he puts people on edge.”

Eren smiled. “He does.”

The affection coming off him in waves blinded Hange; she laughed a little and finished her lunch. When he was ready, Eren wrapped the scarf more loosely around his neck. They hauled him back onto his horse and continued their trek through the towering woods.

 

* * *

 

 

Armin and Mikasa continued on to HQ in order to make their visit to Eren look believable. Levi, continuing a little further south, was now allowed to take his time. He was going to claim to be on a short two-week mission before being found, brought in, and tried for Eren’s death. His absence alone was enough for persecution. Leaving Eren alone was a serious offense, seeing as he was in charge of him. Having Eren die without him even being there would look a little suspicious, but he’d still be charged and punished. By the time they sent people out there to figure it out, he’d be long gone.

Levi checked his watch. It should be tomorrow. Tomorrow, he’d go into town. He glanced at his horse, which was munching on some grain he’d spread on a cloth over the snow. It was his only external source of heat. As the temperatures dropped lower and lower, he found his coat and cloak to be insufficient. He’d cleared enough snow from the frozen earth to pitch a tent and put in his sleeping roll, but the temperature cared nothing for thin sheets and clothing.

He lay on his back with his knees knocked open, his hands behind his head, and stared at the top of the tent. This scheme of theirs would only work if Erwin held up his end of it. Hange was risking her life, Levi was risking his reputation; what was Erwin risking? Levi scowled grouchily. Eren better be fine after all this, or he was going to rip Erwin a new one.

Levi didn’t recall falling asleep. His horse folded its legs to the earth alongside his tent and did the same; its resonating warmth kept him from freezing that night. Falling deeper and deeper into his mind proved to be a lot more pleasant than he thought it’d be.

He opened his eyes and the snow was gone; all around him the world glowed with warmth. There were flowers growing along the path through the trees, and he heard birds calling to each other from far above him. He soaked it in. He didn’t particularly care why it was suddenly spring, as long as it was warm, so he continued on his way. After a few small hills, he spotted something through the trees and his heart skipped a beat. It was the cottage!

“Eren,” he whispered in awe.

Slowly, he walked up to it; it was a little white thing, surrounded by decorative white fences and thick bushes full of berries and fruit. He touched none of the food. It didn’t belong to him, and gave him the uncomfortable feeling of temptation, which he avoided at all costs. The door opened without a sound. He stepped inside.

“Eren?” Levi called hopefully. He was aching to see his lover come around the corner.

“I’m in here,” Eren called from the bedroom.

The sound of his voice sent Levi’s heart soaring, shooting sparks as it tore through the sky at a breakneck speed. He took long, impatient strides through the house, trying very hard not to run, and at some point he’d taken off his boots. His socks slid a bit on the hardwood floor. He finally grabbed the doorframe of the bedroom and had to catch his breath; Eren was lying prostrate on his back in bed, wearing nothing but socks and a long button-down tunic the color of warm cream. He tugged the tunic down to cover his groin sensuously when he saw Levi.

“Captain,” he moaned. “Fuck me, Captain…”

Jesus fuck, Levi thought, he’s so…! With his eyes lighting up like a Christmas tree, he crossed the room in two steps, climbing on top of Eren and kissing him passionately. He pressed their bodies together. “Eren,” he groaned as Eren’s body tensed against his. “Christ…” He wrapped his arms around him, and held him in a tight embrace, burying his face in Eren’s neck. “It feels like… it’s been so long…”

“Captain…” Eren returned his warm embrace with similar gusto. “I love you, Captain… I need you…”

“I love you, Eren; I love you…” Levi let the words roll off his tongue like waves of aching need. He was so hungry for Eren to be closer, to be inside him, and to be all around him; he wanted them to be one within these clothes, together, more than he could mentally comprehend. It overwhelmed his brain.

Eren undressed him, his hands hovering over Levi’s erection and his ass. By the time his pants were gone Levi was starved for body heat. He tackled Eren, tangling up their legs, and pressed his concrete-hard erection into his groin through two layers of clothing. He kissed Eren’s mouth feverishly.

“I missed you, Eren…” Levi whispered, his overwhelmed brain giving way to heart-crushing emotion. Tears threatened to smart in his eyes. Soon he tasted salt on his tongue, and realized that Eren was crying, too. He opened his eyes and recoiled as if he’d been struck.

Eren’s eyes were black and bulging, his body was sickeningly thin, all his muscles had melted, and awful, grotesque purple veins covered his entire body. He looked hideously frightening! Then he began to scream. It was a long, high-pitched scream that cut off for a strangled bout of gurgling before it started up again. His thin Adam’s apple bobbed furiously as he screamed.

“KILL ME!” Eren screeched, deafening Levi with his cries of agony. “KILL ME, CAPTAIN!”

Levi froze. “Eren…?”

“I’M A MONSTER!” Eren snarled and spit. “KILL ME!”

Levi’s stupor broke, and he thrashed wildly against Eren’s tight grasp on his neck and waist. “I CAN’T!” He cried, his heart thundering with stabs of terror and anguish. He couldn’t bring himself to lash out at Eren, but he struck at the arms holding him, which were suddenly giant, gnarly spider legs prickling with sensitive hairs. He shuddered with disgust; suddenly everything was sticky and green, and he was writhing desperately to untwist his legs from Eren’s and to fend off the spider arms.

“AAAAAAHHHHH!” Eren screamed, his voice twisting and contorting in his throat. “KILL ME! WHY WON’T YOU KILL ME?! **_WHY WON’T YOU LET ME DIE?!”_**

“BECAUSE I LOVE YOU! I – EREN, NO, _DON’T_ -” **CRUNCH!** Eren pierced his own torso with his spider legs. His ribs folded in on themselves, and punctured his lungs. From his thin, purple mouth, blood and green glop spewed out and splattered all over Levi, whose own mouth opened like a slashed wound on his handsome face and released a blood-curdling shriek that could’ve peeled the skin off of Satan himself.

 

Levi sat bolt-upright, still shrieking, and his horse let out a yelp of fear and scrambled to its feet, bolting into the night. Now - alone, cold, and terrified - Levi clutched a handful of the clothing over his thundering heart and heaved for breath. He looked out into the night with his eyes wide with fear and felt his heart drop into a dark bottomless pit in his chest, and vanish.


	15. Shit Dun Gone Wrecked

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The plan is set into motion, and Levi is jailed.

Today was the day of the plan. Eren had recovered from his fall enough to hobble on his fractured leg, which had pain ebbed from the medications Hange had brought along for such emergencies. The two of them broke through the trees and came to a large clearing; here was the place Levi and Hange had agreed on. They began preparations. Eren’s anxiety was growing the closer they drew to the allotted time the plan was going to be set in motion. Hange, noticing his tension, went over the plan with him again.

“Everything will be fine,” she insisted, but Eren’s head was swimming with doubts.

Then, it was time.

Eren and Hange sat underneath the shelter of a rock formation in the center of the large expanse of clearing, between the woods they’d just left and the mountain where the cottage was located. Eren was gnawing nervously on beef jerky and Hange was whittling away with her knife and a branch she’d picked up a day or two back; her hands were strong and deft as she sliced the skin off the tree branch and dug her blade into its meaty bark. Eren sat rigidly against the cold stone, looking up slowly at how it towered over him. It was shaped like a titan’s hand. A cold shiver racked his body.

Eren gritted his teeth. “Hange, we have t-”

BAM!

A metal rod connected with Eren’s forehead, knocking him into a heap on the ground. Everything spun like a top. Excruciating pain flooded his body as the sounds of Hange thrashing against their unknown assailants filled his ears; all he could hear was the slashing of her swords and the thunderous footsteps of a legion.

“NO!” Hange screamed from somewhere within the horde as Eren felt someone grab him by the hair and lift him up. He was blinded with pain. Another body approached, tying his hands tightly together behind his back. Then the body faded into the crowd.

“This young wretch is humanity’s last hope?”

This sleek, suave voice coaxed Eren out of his fuzzy trance, and when he opened his eyes, he was looking into the most beautiful, pale hazel irises he’d ever seen. Eren gaped. A young man who didn’t look much older than himself was holding him by the hair. This man’s limbs were slender, his dark skin flawless like rich, refined earth, and his obsidian hair was a broad mane of silken curls. Eren was struck into silence by his regally handsome appearance. His nose was broad and flat, his handsome lips curled defiantly as his eyes cut Eren to pieces. The European curve of his jawline and his regal German forehead were the only indications that this man wasn’t entirely bred from a race that had been wiped out years ago by the titans.

This man was tall, and powerful-looking, with broad shoulders but very lean muscle defining his entire body. He was swathed in rough, outdated uniform pieces from every branch of the military – the roses on the back of his stained jacket were torn and sewn over with red symbols Eren didn’t recognize, and his pants were thick, baggy, and crisscrossed with tasteful slashes and stitching.

“Eren Jaeger, right?” The man’s lips curled into a sneer. “It’s like holding up a bag of flour. There’s nothing to you, Jaeger.” He shook Eren, making him cry out, but Eren lashed out and struck the strong dark hands away from him. The man stared at him in shock as Eren scrambled away, climbing determinedly to his feet. Grinning now in a way that exposed the gleaming white of his teeth, the leader of the radicals rolled his shoulders, pushing one of his shirtsleeves back up to his shoulder and exposing the muscle rippling beneath his chocolate skin. “Before I kill you, I wanted you to know my name, Eren Jaeger.” His eyes flashed. “I am Malachite. And this-” He motioned broadly with his attractive arms, and Eren noticed for the first time how many men were surrounding him. “-this is my army.”

The men were all wrapped up tightly so that their faces couldn’t be seen, but they all had dangerous weapons strapped to their hips and red emblems on their chests just like the one on Malachite’s back. A dark chuckle rose like a wave and pressed down on Eren; he was trapped like a rat, his back against the stone and Hange swallowed by the crowd. His heart was pounding like a jackhammer.

“Your little plan to wipe us out seems to have failed,” Malachite said regretfully, mocking him. “When we discovered who was leaving the discreet clues to your location, we left traps for your special squad, and you know what? They’re nothing but fodder for the local predators.” He put his hands on his solid hips, and his grin turned crooked. “No bodyguards, no Captain Ackerman, and no way to turn. You’re _mine,_ Jaeger.”

 

* * *

 

 

News of Eren Jaeger’s kidnapping spread like wildfire. Hange’s horse had made it back to the Squad HQ, with her sprawled out on its back, torn to shreds, and the soldiers standing guard had rushed to her aid. A messenger flew to the city. In a week’s time, Levi was spotted in a nearby village and incarcerated on charges of voluntary negligence on behalf of Eren’s care as a military asset. He was only told after being detained in a cell for two days that Eren was not in fact dead, but missing.

Levi had flown into a rage and viciously beaten two guards within an inch of their lives. Now he was in solitary confinement out of necessity, despite Erwin’s demands that he be returned to a normal cell.

The Special Operations squad had been following the small radical group for a few weeks through discreet spy missions; observe, but not approach. So far there were only three dozen of them. When Levi got word of them heading to a location close by Headquarters, he’d relayed this to Erwin, who had come up to HQ to formulate a plot. Hange, Erwin and Levi had fashioned a plan to lead the radicals right to Eren while pretending to attempt to get him to safety.

The biggest mistake they made was underestimating the leader of the radicals, Malachite Hains, who knew the difference between clues and a trail of breadcrumbs. He’d called in reinforcements, lured the squad in with a clever trap, and rushed Hange and Eren out in the open, where they’d expect it the most, and therefore be the least prepared for the massive amount of resistance they had received.

The plan’s failure was complete when they also got word that Captain Levi’s team had been recovered from the forest barely alive. Eren was gone, Hange the others were on the brink of death, and Levi was trapped behind bars.

 

* * *

 

  


Levi Ackerman was distraught. A tall rise of solid stone surrounded him on every side, giving way only to a steel door behind him. A conflict of frustration, depression, and blind fury filled his heart as he beat his fists repeatedly against the stone walls. By now there were indents of the side of his hand in the stone, and his hands were cut, bruised, and bloody; he crossed the small cell in two steps and slammed his fists against the thick metal door instead, making the guards within a forty yards jump out of their skins.

“DOGS!” Levi scorned.

 

* * *

 

 

“I can’t leave Eren alone with Hange,” Levi protested vehemently. “It’s out of the question.”

Erwin shrugged. “This is our only option if we want to take out the radicals and keep Eren out of their clutches. How else do we deal with them being so close to Eren’s route of escape? If we try and surprise them with an attack, they’ll know we’re getting desperate, and that Eren must be close. If they have greater numbers concealed from us then they will go after Eren anyway. This way, leading them out in the open where they’ll let down their guard will give your squad enough time to-”

“Levi,” Hange interjected gravely. “Eren doesn’t need your protection. He can transform at any time and save himself. What he needs right now is for you to agree to the plan we’ve all devised here today. Your judgement was used as well for this plan – there is nothing left we can do with the radicals being so close. We have nowhere else to hide Eren should they follow us into the mountains - there is a wall between that mountain and another safe house.”

Levi did not tremble. He sat as still as possible with blind fury tearing him up inside like a rabid wolf sinking its jaws ruthlessly into his fragile heart. He imagined Eren in trouble with the only people out to kill him and his entire body screamed **_NO_**.

“Then I should be there,” Levi said coldly.

“You have to be far away, or they won’t feel confident enough to make a move,” Hange stated. “If you’re seen elsewhere when all this happens, no matter what the end result, they’ll believe us when we tell them that Eren is dead.”

That’s because I was his only hope of surviving, Levi thought numbly.

“Do you trust your team?” Erwin questioned.

“Yes,” Levi replied emptily.

“Do you trust in Eren?” Hange pressed.

“…Yes,” Levi replied softly.

Erwin folded his arms over his chest. “Then what do you say?”

“I agree.” Leaning back, Levi looked at the wall. “You’re right, of course. If I’m anywhere nearby they won’t strike, and I have to be made responsible somehow, even if it ruins my reputation.” He felt a sharp pain in his chest.

Being separated from Eren was inevitable during a plan like this, but so far, for so long? If the plan went awry, he knew Hange was deft in a fight, but what if…? What if, what if, what if… His heart grew cold. He felt, deep within him, a burning fire that just got a bucket of ice water tossed onto it.

Levi gritted his teeth. “I’ll tell him.”

 

* * *

 

 

Levi slowly sank to his knees in the cell, his fists curled on each knee, his head bent. Tears dripped from his eyes and snaked down his cheeks to land in fat droplets on the dirty floor. “Eren,” he whispered. “Goddammit, Eren…” He felt that fire within him - that warmth Eren had brought back to his cold, numb heart – fading, and he didn’t think he’d ever known a pain like this before. “You lied to me… Why did you lie?” Levi wept. His trial wasn’t for a week. Even then, who knew what they’d decide?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This one was a bit shorter, but I'm working on something else, so be prepared!


	16. What Now?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Mikasa and Armin speak with an injured Hange, and court beckons Levi.

The same week of Levi’s incarceration, Mikasa and Armin rode feverishly for HQ as day turned to night. The stars came out, the clouds clearing, and for the first time in a week it did not snow. Icy wind whipped passed them; Mikasa buried her face in the scarf Eren had given her so long ago, and Armin gritted his teeth, bearing the cold ache in his fingers as they pressed on. Then, finally, the castle rose up out of the trees and opened its arms to them with a warm embrace.

They dismounted their horses with frozen legs. The soldiers tending to the stables came out to greet them. After showing their rank and paperwork, they were allowed inside, and given warm rooms and a warm meal. The presiding soldier, Petra, was the only one of the squad that wasn’t still under strict bed rest. She’d recovered enough to maneuver on her own around HQ and regain control of the soldiers. Thin and pale, she greeted them at dinner, waiting until they’d eaten to ask them why they were there.

“We came for Eren,” Armin said adamantly. “Please, is he here?”

“I’m afraid not,” Petra replied emptily.

“Where is Eren?” Mikasa demanded.

Sighing, Petra folded her hands into her lap and stared down at them. Guilt filled her eyes. “We were on a mission to defeat the radicals, and the tables were turned on us. Eren… was taken. Kidnapped by Malachite, their leader, and we were dispatched. Hange got the worst of it. She’s lad up in our infirmary alongside the others.”

Armin and Mikasa were struck into silence. They’d known Eren was gone, but the plan had failed…? Eren wasn’t at the safe house? They stared at Petra like she was an alien from another planet. Eren was in real danger now, and that wasn’t something they’d planned for.

“Kidnapped…?” Armin whispered.

“Yes. We have no idea where they are, and we have no men adept enough to go after them. They outsmarted us – we’re supposed to be the strongest soldiers in the Legion. We’ve failed him.” Petra bowed her head in shame.

“Hange – she was with him,” Mikasa interjected. “Where is she? Can we speak with her?”

“She just woke up this morning. She might still be awake now but if you’d like to question her, wait until tomorrow. She’s still in pretty bad shape.”

Mikasa stormed towards the infirmary after Petra left, but Armin grabbed her arm and held her back. “She’s been through so much,” he protested. “Let her rest.”

“Eren is out there!” Mikasa snapped, yanking her hand back and glaring him down. Her voice was like a knife in the silence of the long, polished hallway. It made Armin wince. “He’s alone with the only people in this world with enough balls to slit his throat! For all we know, he could be dead already! We have no time to waste. This is more important than Hange’s health.”

She continued down the hall swiftly. Armin meekly followed, rubbing his arm. She was right, of course, but when someone said to leave an injured soldier alone usually it was for a good reason. He dreaded to see what state Hange was in. Thoughts of Eren injured and alone struck his heart like a lance, and he found himself eagerly tailing Mikasa over the threshold.

Hange was sitting up in the bed by the window that overlooked the steep precipice behind the castle thick with woods. She turned when she heard them enter. Armin felt a shock of adrenaline. She had a long, ugly slash across her face, which was barely half healed. One arm was bandaged heavily and her chest was just as tightly wrapped. “Armin, Mikasa,” she exclaimed. “What are you doing here?”

Mikasa approached her bedside with a respectful salute. “Hange, we came for Eren.”

“Oh.” Hange’s face wrinkled in thought. “You’ve been told?” Armin and Mikasa nodded. “Right, then why are you here still?”

“Hange,” Armin said gently. “We have to go after him.”

“Time is of the essence. Please, you were the last one with Eren. Do you have any idea where they might be taking him?” Mikasa questioned her.

“You two? Alone?!” Hange cried. “Not a snowball’s chance in hell!”

Mikasa’s chest welled up with frustration. “Please!” She begged. “He’s in danger!”

“Eren is always in danger,” Hange pointed out, much to Mikasa’s anger. “He can transform at any time to save himself.”

“It might not work,” Armin replied. “Eren has failed to transform before, and when he does transform, someone has to be there to get him out of his titan form’s neck or else he’ll _stay_ a titan! If by some miracle he ends up coming back to normal by his own means, he’ll still be in the middle of the wilderness without any means at all.”

Shifting uncomfortably, Hange fingered the bandages on her arm. “Look, despite the situation, I can’t allow two unexperienced soldiers to go after an entire radical rebellion. They are just as likely to keep him alive long enough to reach their destination as they are to kill him as soon as it looks like he’s about to be snatched away.”

A cold, deadly silence stiffened Mikasa’s posture. She glared down at Hange. “With or without your help, we are going after him.”

Hange matched her gaze evenly. “You don’t stand a chance alone.”

“Eren doesn’t, either,” Mikasa said coldly.

The two regarded each other coldly for a moment. The perpetual danger of Eren Jaeger had become quite a scandal; surely, it always had been. Hange’s face cracked into a grin, surprising both of the younger soldiers, and she rubbed her head. “I guess I forgot what it’s like to have so much naïve ambition. All right, fine. But you have to get reinforcements before I tell you anything – gather more soldiers to go with you, and when you have a team that you trust, I’ll tell you where the radicals are headed with Eren.”

 

* * *

 

 

The walls were unbearably high all around Captain Levi; the starch collar of his shirt itched his throat, but he dared not lift his hand to scratch it for fear of his shackles making noise. They were bolted to the floor with barely enough leave for him to move, the chains long and thick, loosely welded together. He was dressed in clean pressed clothing consisting of a white shirt and pants as well as a pair of thin black shoes. His hair was combed; he was showered. His handsome features were well defined even in scrubs like these.

This was very contradicting to how he’d spent his time incarcerated, but he was on display for the public, and therefore had to look presentable for his crucifixion. Yet, he did not feel as uncomfortable as he felt restless, standing poised before a packed courtroom full of citizens and nobles alike. It wasn’t being on display that caused this anxious reaction in him. It was Eren’s absence.

Generally the crowd was loud, obnoxiously discussing Levi’s future fate with petty ignorance and false rumor to base their theories on. He listened to each one passively. Some thought he’d been trying to kill Eren from the start, and others blamed him for Eren’s rampage with the Annie titan that destroyed half a city district. He thought nothing of it. They hadn’t been there, how would they know the truth? The air seemed to burn his esophagus. The lights bore into him. A scratchy feeling filled his lungs as the world buzzed around him in flashes of colors and lights; when was this trial going to begin? He was impatient for it to be over. All this time pretending made him feel like all of this was for nothing – after all, Eren was not dead, and so there was a lot more gray area than previously anticipated.

He wondered briefly how Erwin was going to remedy the situation. How, he wondered, would he get out of this one? The sentencing would be much more lenient than he had planned for - wasn’t that good? It meant that he could slip away more quickly, that is, if they deliberated quickly. Levi had a good gut feeling that this was going to be quick.

The judge came in, and the crowd fell into a hush. There was a great shuffle of feet as two hundred people got to their feet respectfully, and then as the judge sat, the shuffle commenced once more as they settled back again. A dignified silence followed. Eyes cut into Levi from every direction.

So it began.

 

* * *

 

 

“It’ll take a week for reinforcements to get here, not to mention the time it’ll take to get messages out,” Mikasa protested.

“My decision is final,” Hange said calmly.

With a cry of frustration, Mikasa whirled, steaming out the door. Armin paused to give Hange a worried look, hesitant to follow his angry friend. “Are you feeling any better, Hange?” He asked kindly.

With a smile, Hange nodded. “I am. Soon I’ll be ready to get out of this bed and join you in your search for your friend. Hopefully, a week will be enough recovery time.”

“Hange!” Armin gaped. “You’ll come with us?!”

“You’re damn right! I can’t let a team of kids go out there alone!”

“I can’t believe it! Why didn’t you say something?”

“Your friend is very rash. I was going to mention it later.”

Armin laughed. “Hange. Thank you,” he smiled. “No one else would trust in us enough to allow us to accompany them. I truly appreciate this opportunity.”

Still smiling, Hange held out her hand and Armin clasped it tightly. “Don’t make me regret allowing you to come along, Armin.”

Her tone was so serious, and so grave, that Armin found his hand released and barely remembered the walk out of the infirmary. He went down the hallway to their guest rooms, where Mikasa was furiously writing to all their friends on behalf of Eren, and sank down onto the bed. What could Hange have meant?


	17. Excuse U Bitch

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Levi's fate is decided, and Erwin shows his softer side when Levi is at his lowest.

The officials stood with their thick uniforms and stuffy handkerchiefs, their ominous figures striking quite a scene in the crowded court room. Together they all formed the sourest expressions imaginable as the judicial process played out. Erwin was among them; his expression matched theirs despite his clear mark of rank. His blonde hair glistened. His forehead gleamed and his pale, pale eyes bore into the crowd. The judge read over the terms of Captain Levi’s arrest, as well as the laws he broke while in confinement, and the civilian people were noiseless.

Levi, bored and restless, resisted the urge to scratch his nuts as the judge handed the speaking off to the people speaking against him. The man droned on, reading from a long list of things Levi had done over the years that would only serve to agitate the jury. This was all so pointless. If Eren were any less of an asset, this wouldn’t have been such a fake debacle, and they would have just slapped him on the hand and let him go get the asset back. But because their best soldiers failed against the radical faction there was no plan against them, and the public needed an outlet of fury against the cause of all this turmoil.

Without Levi, Eren would have probably been killed much sooner, saving everyone a lot of grief; and now he’d lost him to the only people who wanted to topple the government. He was under the spotlight as the only scapegoat for the past year or so of suffering these people had endured.

“Captain Levi Ackerman,” the judge said, his voice booming. “The charges against you have been read. Your representative will now be called to speak in your defense.”

An uncomfortable shuffle was heard in the crowd; no one came forward. Levi shifted the leg he was leaning on lazily. “With all due respect, your honor, I will speak in my own defense.” The outrage from the crowd was quelled by the soldiers on stand-by; smirking, Levi turned to face them, tilting his head arrogantly. He shook his chains loudly for order.

“Ladies and… gentlemen,” he began, dripping with sarcasm. “In the duration of my servitude to all of you, I have gone on and returned from many dangerous missions. I have lead teams of our most skilled into the depths of titan territory with only the noblest notions in mind; I have plotted with my peers and superiors alike about the acquisition of knowledge about our terrifying enemy the titan; and I have arguably come into contact and killed more titans than any woman or man in the military thus far. I’ve debated with nobleman and priests alike, and I have dedicated my life to the truth about titans and the protection of humanity.” Levi put his foot on the thick metal loop bolting his chains to the floor.

“But never, in all my days, have I encountered as much nauseating _bullshit_ as I’ve heard in the past hour.” There was a collective jaw-drop; Erwin stared at Levi with ferocious confusion. Snapping out his arms, Levi strained against his chains and began to laugh the most eerie and sarcastic laugh to ever come into verbal existence. He grinned at the shrinking crowd of onlookers. “Without my hands - having been anointed by God himself for the sacred duty of defending you - all of these worthless slobs before me would not even be here! You, the judge, or you, the pauper; all of you would be pulpy globs of meat and bone, hastily smeared on those holy walls you plebeians worship as if it were God himself and not man that built them with his bare hands!

“I lead an army of educated, skilled soldiers, hell-bent on the destruction of all titan kind. It is I who dives into the teeth of the titans to retrieve for you our only hope, and the only hope for your children, and their children!” The sea of faces surrounding him were all twisted in horror. Levi’s voice grew like a crescendo, echoing over the heads of those meant to judge him. “Eren Jaeger is a warrior!” He cried. “He is the only monster who transforms into a titan in order to destroy, and his heart remains with humanity! He has torn titans limb from limb for you! He has thrown himself into danger for you! He has allowed us to shackle, and collar him – to poke and prod him and fill him with drugs, to disturb his body and his health beyond humane capacities, just to discover the source of his supernatural power of transformation! He has battled tirelessly when the rest of us would have perished – even I!

“In saving the life of Eren Jaeger, I, Levi Ackerman, am your savior.” Levi let his arms go slack. “And in losing him, it is likely that he will perish… and then, and only then, I will have lost you a deliverer of justice and righteousness on behalf of all human beings. I will have lost you a messiah.” He bowed his head. His face was swathed in shadow. “For this alone, I deserve your judgement.”

The crowd was dead silent. No one spoke; no one gasped, or cursed. Levi rose like an icon before them aglow with divine light. The religious knelt on the floor and pressed their foreheads to the cold stone. Erwin joined the other officials in their piercing examination of humanity’s strongest soldier. The jury huddled together fearfully. The children leaned over the pews.

Then the judge rapped his gavel, and the room erupted into an uproarious noise. Someone in the jury burst into tears. The soldiers unlocked Levi and dragged him back into the cell room to protect him from the surge of civilians climbing the pews to claw at him. He walked stiffly, his face unreadable. Throwing him inside, they slammed the door and locked it, and the silence of the room was deafening after the upheaval of the courtroom. He sat up from where he’d been tossed like garbage onto the floor; the wall was cold against his temple as he leaned against it, the aches and pains of the past week were nothing in comparison to the pain he was feeling in his heart.

Tears smarted in Captain Levi’s eyes; he bowed his head. It wasn’t his incarceration, but Eren’s, that caused him so much grief. The love of his life was surely being tortured in a place very far away from him, and he was in the heart of an ignorant city in chains.

The door was swiftly unlocked and a rumpled Commander Erwin stepped inside. Behind him, the door was bolted again, and he stood on the threshold looking like he’d just emerged from a rioting crowd. Instead of speaking, he crossed the room and took a seat at the only table in the room, pausing to straighten his attire. He brushed dirt off his shoulder. He crossed one leg over the other, leaning back, and sighed as he smoothed his hair back into place.

“You did well,” Erwin said quietly. “The contempt you showed the court is sure to convince them of your guilt. We’ll have you out of here before long.”

Levi turned his face away. A few tears burned trails down his face and slid down his throat as he swallowed, making his Adams apple bob. He said nothing.

Erwin looked at the floor. “Levi.” He took a deep breath. “You are… in love with Eren?”

Nodding, Levi stared numbly into the corner.

A dark cloud drew over Erwin’s head. “I see.” A strange smile broke its way onto his stern face. “I can’t see you and that brave child laying together.”

“What you can see clearly is my body spread across your desk, prostrate with lust,” Levi retorted. “And that only happened ten years ago.”

“Nine years and four months, actually,” Erwin corrected. “That is truly one of my fondest memories… I should be moving on by now, shouldn’t I?” His smile softened. “Levi, that boy cannot go on without you.”

“You think I don’t know that, old man?”

“I think you don’t understand how precious you are to Eren or to his health. I also think that you’re losing it, and that’s not something I’m going to tolerate.” Erwin rose to his feet. “Get up.” Levi scornfully ignored him. Erwin took two steps and bridged the gap between them. “Get up, Levi,” he held out one of his large, rough hands. “Only Eren’s death should cause you despair; until then, you cannot afford it. Or are you so foolish as to give in even before disparity has been brought down upon you?”

Levi’s eyes scorched Erwin’s, glistening with tears of vengeance. He held out his shackled wrists and Erwin unlocked them. They tumbled to the floor. Then, rubbing his wrists, Levi paused. “Eren doesn’t need me to save him.”

“But he needs you to greet him with open arms once he is safe.”

A flower of passion blossomed in Levi’s chest. New strength filled his limbs. Grabbing Erwin’s hand, they both hauled him to his feet, and Levi stood tall alongside his former lover without hesitation. He looked deep into Erwin’s eyes. “Why are you doing this?”

Commander Erwin laughed. “You are a fool, Levi Ackerman. You still think that when you broke my heart that you severed all of our bonds as men. Those bonds were forged in battle, not in bed; although my rights to your heart and body have been revoked, my rights to your well-being remain just as prevalent.” He leaned in close. “Eren is not the only one who needs you.” With that, he went to the door and knocked twice. “Don’t let us down.”

The crowd was gone now. The empty hallway swallowed up Commander Erwin, and the apathetic faces of the guards slammed the door back into place, disregarding the noble wretch standing in the corner of the room, upon which the weight of the world rested.

 

* * *

 

 

Two days later they held another hearing, during which Levi was forbidden to speak. The conviction was innocence. He was released on the grounds that Eren was not yet dead, and Levi was turned loose from the prison shortly after the proceedings ended. They gave him back his clothes, his effects, and his horse, but not his reputation; and with that, he left the city with wild abandon, flying towards HQ like a bat out of hell.


	18. Well, Here He Comes

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Eren and Malachite have very dissimilar goals.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> For those following this fic, thank you. Please give me any feedback you think is necessary. :) Also, I promise to finish this as soon as I can.

Eren felt a strange stillness. All his body seemed to reverberate with the pounding of horse’s hooves. He’d been jostled for a week straight with his back up against the hard side of a cart; they’d long ago stuffed a rag into his mouth to keep him from biting his tongue, which also prevented him from damaging it during the violent ride. He had smelled the forest retreating behind them at a rapid pace. Now, only the smell of grass and rocks filled his nose. When his head was snatched up from where he lay, the sprawling cliffs bathed in pink sunlight filled his eyes. For miles, there was nothing but ravine. The thick, muscular shoulders of the mountains shrugged sharply on each side, leaving a steep drop all the way into a rocky basin. At the bottom there was a snake of blue water reaching towards the Eastern walls.

Eren marveled at the view. The snow had melted and spring was here. It was beautiful. Feeling strangely calm, he allowed them to drag him from the cart. He was tossed up against a rock pile pretty close to the edge. Across from him, on a long, jagged rock protruding from the side of the cliff, Malachite was grinning at him from around the rim of a steaming thermos. The white mist enveloped his dark face, filling it with animated mischief. The pride in his plan blazed from him like flickering firelight.

“You look terrible comfy for a man in your position,” Malachite offered good-naturedly. He reached over and took the rag from between Eren’s lips.

Eren spit out lint and made a face. Then, taking a deep breath of the whipping mountain air, he allowed his glazed eyes to wander over the scenery. “I guess I’m wondering about you. Why not just kill me?”

Malachite eyed him. “Are you trying to convince me to kill you?”

“What are you doing, Malachite?” Eren said. “What do you need me for?”

“For the men.” Leaning back, his sinewy figure bending with a masculine ripple of muscle, Malachite closed his big hands around a boulder the size of his head and picked it up. Eren watched him carefully set it on a mound of grass between them. He rested his boots on it and crossed his wrists over his knees, leaning forward until Eren could see the flecks of gold in his pale hazel eyes. Malachite grinned. “You’re not like I thought you’d be, Eren.”

“What did you expect?”

Malachite glanced at his men; they were gathered around patches of grass, chewing dried meat with their hair whipping in the wind. He pushed a broad palm over his unruly curls. “I expected… Erwin.” The air buzzed with possibilities; deep within their chests, something deeper and more dangerous threatened to take them over.

Eren chewed on his cheek thoughtfully. “There’s only one Erwin. I’m sorry to disappoint.”

Smiling, Malachite shook his head. “You’re a strange boy, but anything is better than Erwin.”

“You haven’t met Captain Ackerman, have you?”

“Never had the pleasure. Is he the man holding your leash?”

“Most of the time, yes.” Eren let his eyes rest on Malachite. “What now?”

Their eyes met. Malachite’s face became unreadable. “I’ll kill you, Eren Jaeger,” he said.   “If not now, then soon.”

Eren’s heart sank into his belly; he sat stiffly against the rock, his arms and legs aching against their binds. “I won’t let you.” Eren’s green eyes took on a quiet ferocity, and Malachite’s personal passion matched his own.

A slow grin spread across his lips. “You don’t stand a chance, Jaeger.”

“I always keep my word.”

Between them passed a solemn silence. As if accepting the challenge, both of them remained wordless for the rest of the evening. Eren woke up in the grass the next morning and Malachite was gone. To where, he didn’t know, but for the first time he noticed a city on the horizon and the men all pitching tents.

 

* * *

 

 

Within a week, the team was assembled. Mikasa busied herself with plans and supplies; Armin devised strategies at Hange’s bedside, bouncing ideas off her and using her experience as a foundation. Then they were ready to leave. A few days making preparations and Mikasa was burning to leave. She paced the halls, bothered the guards with incessant questions, and refused to do anything except eat and sleep.

The day before their departure, the guards sent up a cry. Armin opened his window and leaned out with a cry of surprise. “Captain Levi!” He exclaimed.

All of them rushed to greet him, but he was out of breath and wearied from traveling almost non-stop all week. He barely spoke besides grumbling obscenities. They helped him down off his horse and into Headquarters to rest, and as the soldiers unburdened his horse, a small wooden carving fell into the mud. Armin picked it up and brushed it off. It was an exact replica of a tiny Eren. It also looked as if it’d been buried for a month.

Lifting his eyes to the horse, Armin wondered if Levi had carved it. A pang of guilt stabbed his heart. Petra had explained their close relationship. Apparently, Eren hadn’t waited like he promised to act on his feelings, but none of that mattered now. Levi and Eren were a couple. The rebels had kidnapped Eren.

Armin sighed; that’s why Mikasa was acting weird. She was in denial about Eren and Levi. But she’d heard him go on and on about his feelings just like Armin had long before Levi knew – they’d both protested, but despite them, their love had blossomed. It was too late now. How, he wondered, had he not known that his best friend was gay? He should’ve guessed. Eren was way too independent for a nice wife. It took a tough hand that he respected in order to tame his wild nature, and although Mikasa was a tough hand, Eren resented her protective nature, and all women possessed some degree of protective maternity.

He cracked a smile. Now that he thought about it, it was all too obvious. What a twist. Armin took the small figure to Levi’s room, where he was peeling off his dirty clothes. Levi was just unbuckling his belts when Armin walked in.

“Sorry, sorry,” Armin stammered. “I found this. I thought you might want it.”

Levi tossed aside his belts and glanced wearily at the small Eren. “Oh, you found it? I thought I’d dropped it long before now.” He sank down onto the bed and reached over to pick it up.

“Is it… Eren?”

“Yes.”

“Did you carve it?”

“…Yes.”

“Wow,” Armin breathed. “It’s amazing.”

“I carved it late one night, when I was traveling to see you two. I buried it beside the river.” Levi put the figure carefully back onto his nightstand. “It was up to my will alone whether I saw it again or I didn’t.” Shooting Armin a look, he frowned. His eyes were deep and dark. “Everything in this world can be accomplished, cadet.”

“By will?”

“First, you have to try.”

Armin rolled this around in his head. He was right, of course. He usually was.

“Now… if you don’t mind, I’m going to sleep for twelve hours. We leave in the morning.”

“H-How did you…?”

“Armin.”

“Yes, sir! Goodnight, sir!”

Armin left promptly, shutting the door behind him. He looked out the window. It was barely two in the afternoon. Did that mean he’d be up by 2 AM? Armin was doing paperwork late into the night. Around two in the morning, he saw someone walk by his door, and he leaned out into the hallway. Captain Levi Ackerman was leaning out one of the windows. He was showered, dressed, and rested, and if Armin wasn’t mistaken, there was fire in his eyes.


End file.
